Please help me understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Please help me understand
6
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 12:13am

I am new here and hoping to better understand a man I am trying to date. I am 34 and have been divorced for about 3 years. I recently let a friend persuade my to try online dating. I starting emailing with this guy we'll call "B" about a week ago and he asked if I would be interested in meeting for a drink this last Friday (couple of days ago). We did and we seemed to hit it off well. He is a very nice guy and conversation was comfortable. After the meeting he texted to let me know that he is definitely interested in getting to know me better. Last night he invited me to his place to watch a movie and I agreed. One thing led to another and I am ashamed to say that we had sex. We both decided to try to relax that it isn't a big deal. He said he would text me today after the football games and I said no problem since I had a lot to do today.

Here's where I am confused. I got a text from him this evening that said:
"Hi :) I hope you had a good day. Just wanted to say hi. Also wanted to let you know that I think we should take it nice and slow. Hopefully you are a fan of that too :) If ok with you lets meet for a drink or get coffee towards the end of the week."

No big deal as far as taking it slow. I definitely want to slow down. My concern is the last part. He wants to get a drink or coffee towards the end of the week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Tue, 01-25-2011 - 11:49am

Thanks so much for the man's perspective. I also spoke with a male friend about this last night and his thoughts were almost the same as yours. In his words..."stop hearing what he is not saying." In other words, he is saying..."I'd like to see you at the end of the week" and I am hearing "I don't want to see you until the end of the week." It's my insecurities showing themselves and I need to manage them better. He also indicated that his text likely was meant to explain that even though we had sex we are not in a committed relationship at this time even though he might be interested in getting to know me better.

So thanks....I truly appreciate your thoughts. I will play it by ear and see what Friday brings. I really do want to know where he would like to see this go. I think its important for us to be on the same page....nice and slow is fine but I think I need him to define what that means to him so I can decide if that will work for me.

You people are great. Have a wonderful week :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 01-25-2011 - 2:16am
looking4love wrote:

I am new here and hoping to better understand a man I am trying to date. I am 34 and have been divorced for about 3 years. I recently let a friend persuade my to try online dating. I starting emailing with this guy we'll call "B" about a week ago and he asked if I would be interested in meeting for a drink this last Friday (couple of days ago). We did and we seemed to hit it off well. He is a very nice guy and conversation was comfortable. After the meeting he texted to let me know that he is definitely interested in getting to know me better. Last night he invited me to his place to watch a movie and I agreed. One thing led to another and I am ashamed to say that we had sex....

Here's where I am confused. I got a text from him this evening that said:
"Hi :) I hope you had a good day. Just wanted to say hi. Also wanted to let you know that I think we should take it nice and slow. Hopefully you are a fan of that too :) If ok with you lets meet for a drink or get coffee towards the end of the week."

No big deal as far as taking it slow. I definitely want to slow down. My concern is the last part. He wants to get a drink or coffee towards the end of the week....

Am I overthinking his text? I guess I am just wondering why he doesn't want to see me sooner than Friday. He said he will check in with

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 1:13pm

Thanks everyone for your honest responses.

I did get a text from him this morning that just said "I hope you have a good day."

You all gave me some things to think about. I guess I hadn't thought that he might be setting me up for FWB. I really thought that he feels like we went from A-Z awful fast and now he maybe is regretting it and wants to slow it down and do it the right way. I just wish I knew what slowing it down means to him.

My plan is to just wait it out this week and see how much communication I get from him. Then come Friday when we meet for drinks I think I'll just talk to him about it and find out what his thoughts are on where he would like for this to go to make sure we are on the same page. I am ok with nice and slow as long as we are actually getting somewhere. He just turned 40 and really doesn't seem like the type to be a player of any kind. He seems really sincere and I did some checking around before I ever met him and those who know him say he's a really nice guy and hasn't had a girlfriend that they are aware of for about a year.

I hope I am not being naive here...I want to believe that he just wants to slow down and get to know me before we do anything like that again and probably wants to be sure I am on that same page.

I welcome any other thoughts though....I know these are all things I need to be thinking about.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 9:17am

I totally understand where you're coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 6:18am

I'm going to say almost the opposite of the other poster :smileyhappy:

You may wish to take what I have to say with a pinch of salt since I'm a girl but I think you should calm down and not keep analyzing that text.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 1:20am