REALLY trying but truly Hurting.
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|Tue, 08-03-2010 - 4:03pm|
So it has been a total of 10 days actually now that I really count the days since my BF and I broke up. I am sooooooo hurting more than EVER...and I actually at times feel like it backfired on me (the break up, even though he initiated it) becuase I was tired of him always coming back after breaking up then coming back to me just a few days later I always gave in and this time i didnt...Im hurting and missing him so much more than he misses and loves me, that's even if he does.
Today while walking to work I finally accepted the reality that he isnt coming back I almost wanted to just walk back home and crawl in a hole and die. All becuase like the weak person Ive allowed myself to be; these past 10 days without one call or sign from him I still somewhere inside me kept believing he would call or would randomly just show up at my door.
..... Well it hasn't happened and I now realize it wont. Or he would have by now considering he never went past 2 days without contact. After 5 1/2 yrs I finally realize he has truly let me go.
My battle is no longer with him, but with the saddness within that is eating me up alive. I feel hopelessly depressed Im doing all that I can do to live life without him. nothing seems to help. How can a man so easily walk away ..we didnt even break up on decent terms...Im driving myself crazy....