saturday night

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
saturday night
5
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 9:56pm
ok guys, here's another question for you:

the guy i've been dating for the last month and a half makes plans with me at the beginning of each week for saturday night. he calls me almost every or every night during the week, and we always have a great time together. i know that he has a very busy life, and makes an effort to see people (thus has to schedule with everyone in advance). sometimes we get an extra day or two in there, but not lately. should i be worried? upset? concerned? explain this to me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 10:31pm
It may be too soon to tell.

If someone starts cutting back on the time they spend with you, however, it could mean...that they are dating other people.

How many hours a week does he work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 11:15pm
Actually most couples spend a little less time together after the first blush of a new relationship wears off a little. There's only so much time you can spend staring into one another's eyes before the bills have to be paid, the dog has to be walked, and that report that's due tomorrow demands a little more attention than the mole on your left hip.

Sounds natural to me. Why are you worried about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 12:11am
he works about 12 hours a day (sometimes more)... i know that he isn't seeing anyone else. he calls me on his way home from work, and he is always sharing what he is doing with me ("i'm going to go out with my friend x, then read, then go to bed...) :) i guess the reason i am asking is because i have been hurt before, and i know that i read too much into things trying to find "signs" earlier so as not to get hurt. i am also not too long out of college where relationships have no time boundries because we had all the time in the world. this guy is older and more in tune with "adult" life. i just like him alot and i feel lost about how to approach that in relation to time constraints, and his experience, etc. that's where i am coming from. thanks for the advice!!! :)
Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 12:31am
Who knows?-you've only been dating 6 weeks. Clearly *you're* enamored but I would suggest trying to "slow down" emotionally, you hardly know the guy. ..I think its a safe bet if he continues to call & wants to date at least once a week,he is still interested in you or at least some aspect of "you" ie. possibly the sex, if thats occuring).

As the seriousness of a relationship increases, often the time spent together increases as well. However as you said, he is very busy & its early days yet.

Best wishes, Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 12:48am
Relax. This is supposed to be fun. (Yeah, yeah, I'll take my own advice too.) It's early days yet. Even if we want nothing more than to fly kites at the park and hold hands with each other 24/7, it would begin to make for pretty boring people. You'd run out of things to talk about because everything that happened to you would also happen to him, and frankly, without breaks for showers, you'd both offend my delicate sensibilities.

Take the time that he's not with you and do stuff for you. You are more than half of a couple, you know. Call up your girlfriends and have a night of ultimate girl fun. Watch those gushy movies he wouldn't be caught dead at (Under the Tuscan Sun is a good one). Get a facial, get a massage, get a hobby. Do something other than sit by the phone and wait for him to call.

Do not hide behind walls of past relationships. Let's take as a case in point the myth of the word SEX written in the ice cubes of an Absolut ad. If you looked for it long enough you could find something that looked pretty similar, but it was a self-fulfilling kind of thing. Let this guy make his own mistakes. I promise. There will be plenty. Don't give him a handicap at the beginning that some other guy earned. Easier said than done, I know, but that's something you control.

We all risk getting hurt when we open ourselves to someone new. The alternative is to never let anyone close to us. Doesn't sound fun to me.