Sex on the first date

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2010
Sex on the first date
7
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:16pm

I know that this question has been asked far too many times, but I am completely lost when it comes to men.

I am a 42-year-old single woman. I gave up on mes many years ago because of one too many relationships gone bad and have chosen to focus on my career instead.

The other day at a conference, I met a truly wonderful man. We had drinks, hit it off, and he then insisted that he wanted to see me again later that evening. I got his drift, but I am the least bit interested in a one night stand and to become a f*** buddy--I even told him this. I did not meet him later nor did I call him that evening. I did, however, call him the morning after and explained to him, once again, that I had far too many errands to run that evening, as I had to be at the airport early in the morning. He was sweet and kind and wished me a good flight home. He also said that he looked forward to seeing me again (before our yearly conference) and had my number and was going to call.

What does all this mean? Did I ruin the possibility of a friendship, in the short term, and a relationship, in the long term. Does he think that I am a tease? Will he call? Should I call him? Should I make a point of meeting him again?

All in all, he is a truly magnificent man. I am in constant contact with the public and never came across anyone like him; that is, someone with whom I would be willing to take another chance at love.

Please advise.

Perplexedly yours,

Jasmin

Edited 4/19/2010 10:33 pm ET by jasz_gal




Edited 4/19/2010 10:38 pm ET by jasz_gal
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:40pm

I'm assuming this would be a long distance relationship? If so then it is a long shot, in my opinion and most likely yours,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:51pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 11:54pm

I have been badly burned, in every way you can possibly imagine, in several long-term relationships and find men difficult to trust. In fact, I would not have gone out to drinks with this man had I not spent over 6 hours with him.

We have many things in common and are both considering taking new directions in our careers. Most importantly, he is not threatened by a highly successful and competitive career-oriented woman, and we are an hour or so away from each other.

If he calls again, I will not bolt. I chose not to go out with him later that evening because I feared that we would label me as "easy" and a person who sleeps around to get ahead. I am extremely hard working and have dedicated most of my life to make a name for myself and I can't afford to lose this in a day ... and trust me, I have known many women whose reputations were tarnished and careers negatively impacted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:03am
Thanks for the kind response. You have slowly started to restore my faith in men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:07am
Well then, living an hour away from you puts a whole new spin on it, that's doable. Also the additional career considerations etc. In light of what you've been through already, just a thought, maybe you could get
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 1:38am

Here's my sad and sorry tale.

I was in a relationship for 6 years, however, everything changed the minute when he presented me with the engagement ring. I was no longer able to associate with any of my friends, male or female. I was followed to and from work by my ex and his friends. My phone calls were monitored. I was constantly called by him or his family members at 5:25 p.m. each day, to make sure that I was home, if not, I would be scolded because there was no reason for which I could be late. I had my credit ruined due to joint purchases we made for the wedding. Long story short, life was hell. I lost half of my weight and was severely ill. But somehow, 11 months later, I managed to get out of this abusive relationship. I took a well deserved two year break from everything, started a new job and got my life back on track.

Then, when I was ready to date again, I came across a kind fellow. We had many things in common and had a wonderful time during the 5 years we were together. We had the type of relationship that everyone envied and could only wish for. Our friends and family members were convinced that we were made for each other as were we. Unfortunately, one of his long time co-workers promised her friend that she would let her know if my ex would become available. Instead of telling them that he was is a committed relationship, she went ahead and introduced him to the skank. The co-worker then convinced him how better she would be for him because of her six-figure salary and the prestige and clientele she would be able to bring to his business. She bought him ridiculously expensive gifts and they wined and dined at the finest (and overrated) restaurants in town. I never questioned his late nights; he was always at work and I knew this for a fact. Anyways, a few weeks later, I was history.

At that point, I had enough. I don't ask for much from others: all I want is to be respected and admired for who I am. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am an extremely humble and giving person. Sadly, I paid the price for my kindness. There were no indications of my first ex's controlling nature or of my second's disappointment with the relationship and success of his business. In the first case, I believe that his insecurities were due to my higher job status and the latter was just plain stupidity on his behalf (his marriage, by the way, is on the rocks ... we have mutual friends and every now and then I am stuck listening to stories about his misery. And no, I have no intentions of getting back together with him; he is well aware).

So, there you have it.

It's good to know that there are still people like you that are happily married and in a committed and healthy relationship!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:14am

Well it sounds like those are not things you could check for, they are different problems and sound more just like bad luck. We have definitely had our times but nothing like that. I would think if you're not too burned you will do fine because you already have your own money and your own life, if it doesn't work out you will still have plenty left. I guess things can always fall apart on any of us at any time and it's just the way it is much as I hate to think about it, no guarantees. Good luck with the new guy.

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