Should I just be friends with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2013
Should I just be friends with him?
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 7:19pm
I think I have already made a decision though. It's this guy I like and I know the feeling is mutual(to what degree? Idk I'm not him so I can't answer that) , but we haven't gone on a first date yet and it's been either three or two months put together since we started talking. I mean granted we are both in school and he is taking 22 credits right now plus he doesn't have money. He is also dealing with his family and trying to get into Harvard because they did send him a letter basically saying they were interested in him. He says that once he gets his financial aide refund check of course things would be different and we can actually go on a date. I am trying to respect his schedule like I don't text him ten times a day if anything it's once a day asking how he is. Sometimes I get a response and sometimes I do not. I am thinking that I need to just be friends with this guy because right now wasn't the time for us. In his case I feel like he is sort of stringing me a long and I don't like that feeling. He is sweet whenever we are in person together, but those moments are rare because I hardly ever see him now.

Does this sound reasonable of me or am I just being a brat?

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 7:50pm
Sounds like being friends is a good idea and if you go on a date, have fun and see where it goes :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sat, 09-28-2013 - 5:06pm

No, you're not being a brat. The point of having a bf/gf is to enjoy spending time together, cuddling on the couch watching t.v., cooking together, hiking, biking, going to the movies, etc. He's not in a place to do this right now, nor anytime soon. He's not the only cute, smart, fun guy around. You're not in love, since you barely know him. The world is your oyster. You have to ensure you're happy in the present, since no one knows how long they have on this planet. It's not a horrible thing to make the best decisions for yourself.

After my first marriage ended, and did online dating, I chose not to date a man with a small child who he shared custody of with his ex. Since my children were grown, I chose not to date someone who was rarely available since I'm the type of person who wanted to spend time with a guy 2 or 3 times a week. I dated a guy who had grown kids, but he worked 70 hour weeks and was too exhausted to do anything else. I was miserable and was happy when that relationship ended. When I started dating the man who would become my second husband, he liked to spend at least 3 days together every week, and we matched in all of the major ways. You have to make decisions that work for you. 

I'd move on and be open to other guys who have more time for you. Good luck.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 09-29-2013 - 8:24pm

Spending time is more important than a date.  Some people never have a formal date.  that is unnecessary to have a relationship.   Since you are both in school that needs to be the priority.   You need to think what you want not just with a male but for yourself as in career.  Are you in school just for a MRS degree?  Or are you looking for professional achievement.   many driven people do not even think about dating when they are carrying 22 credits and thinking about Harvard.  Dating is not important, but friendship is very important.  What kind of "friendship" do you have with him now?  


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2013
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 3:13pm

It doesn't take any money to go on a date.  And no one is too busy for a date.  I think that you should move on.