Should I move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Should I move on?
7
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 3:06pm

Hey there. So I feel like a teenager writing what I'm about to write but I need some outside perspective from people other than my friends. I'm 34 years old and I think I suck at relationships or understanding men or maybe I just pick the wrong men. I dunno. Anyway, so I met this guy about 2 months ago through a mutual friend. My good girlfriend has known this person since high school (he's 31). He just moved back to town after being gone for several years. The unfortunate part about our situation is that we're both relatively fresh out of bad relationships. But we hung out several times as friends and we just hit it off so well that we decided to risk it and go on a date. We absolutely gelled and decided we would pursue something but we would be open and honest with each other and take it slow. We had so much in common and had a blast when we were together. He seemed so different from my ex. We had such easy conversations and it felt like we were building a genuine friendship. I felt comfortable with him and I really started to open up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 3:58pm

"What should I do?" Get out now

You really should have known at 34 that he was totally wrong for you and too much baggage and you already know you shared too much too soon and you are probably embarassed after JUST 2 months

Don't even bother and stop reading Facebook - move on.............he is so wrong for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 4:41pm

Okay, I don't see why you need to be mean? Why should I magically be able to tell when someone is wrong for me because I'm 34? Obviously I'm NOT good at this, or I wouldn't continue to get into relationships with the wrong men! My downfall is that I'm too nice and I decided to give him a chance despite his baggage. I don't know how I would know he was wrong for me until we really got into things because we had a billion things in common and got along beautifully. I'm not asking for judgement, just sound advice. Everyone is on Facebook and I need to be on it for my job (I work in advertising and am in charge of creating social media campaigns). He just shows up in my feed. I have hidden his posts, so I'm not some school-aged stalker. I was making a point that he doesn't seem to be doing things to cut me off permanently. If anyone has solid tips on weeding out bad guys right away, I'm all ears. But please no more, "just get over it" posts. Those aren't helpful. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 6:06pm

Shortcake, when he started frequently cancelling on you at last minute, it was a sign that he was no longer that

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 6:55pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2011
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 7:29pm

I feel your pain in your post. From what you wrote, doesn't sound like the issue is yours, it's his.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 7:57pm

Sorry, I just saw this now

Oh my goodness - I did not mean to be mean - and I am so sorry and I know you are looking for advise

Geez - I really feel bad...what I meant was by 34 I am sure you have dated like we all did and I just assumed (a!! -me) you could see the red flags - but maybe you are not there yet - I don't know if you are picking the wrong men or that you are just attracted

After stupid relationships in my 20's plus a marriage - I started therapy cuz I knew I didn't know how to fix it myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 2:13am

let it go move on when a man isnt in a place where he feels he should be he is not in a place for a relationship.