So confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
So confused!
9
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 11:15pm
First of let me say that I don't have a whole lot of experience with men, so I need all the help I can get. So I recently started dating this guy, and I really like him a lot. Last week we spent 4 out of 7 days together. And he would text me all the time. Then we hit a bit of a snag last week. Basically, I was trying to
read his body language that night and he seemed pretty distant. So after our movie was over I left trying
not to show that I was frustrated but I guess I'm not a very good actress. But it was kind of distant that I felt akward even being there. He texts me later asking why I wanted to leave in a hurry. And when I told him how I felt he said he was sorry. And he seemed kinda shocked. So he said that if he got another chance, then it would be really different. And that he likes me, and that he feels good with me. So that weekend he left for drill, and he would text me whenever he had breaks. But then Sunday, he didn't talk to me that much, and I only heard from him once today(Monday). So my question is did I mess this up? And how do I fix it? If I even can? Oh and I told him how I felt about him as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 3:20pm
Well now its been a week since I've heard from him. I just assumed that it was over, bc he hasn't talked to me in a week. I mean wouldn't you think the same? Its not like i contacted him and said it was over. And I didn't blow up on him either. I just sent him a message after he asked me what was wrong. So I told him. Yes my limited experience with men has been kinda negative, but I try to block that while I'm seeing someone new. And for the going too fast, it was his idea to hang out that much. I didn't initiate those because during the week I work till 9 on some days. And then on the weekend he was at drill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 2:01pm
Honey, three days and you're killing off a possibly budding relationship? It's possible the end is coming, but let's not be so quick to jump.

Is it possible you overthink these things based on what you describe as your "limited experience" which all seems to have been negative? So maybe what you "know" about men hasn't been helping you in the past and it wouldn't hurt to try something new.

I'd suggest for starters you not put all your energy in going so very fast with ANY new relationship, because it's bound to be too much for some people and they'll instinctively pull back, unintentionally hurting your feelings in the process. 4 days together in one week when you just barely started dating might be cute in high school, but as adults we really need to remember to stay focused on the big picture of our lives. Go slow. Why? Because this stuff, dating, it *matters*.

Then all this "reading body language" and feeling awkward instead of just saying what's on your mind, again that seems to be failing you more than helping so learn to say what's on your mind when it comes up, instead of bottling it up for afterwards when you've worked yourself up into a froth, your "psycho moments," because even if we all have them from time to time, it's not helpful to unleash them too soon on someone new. They might make the mistake of thinking you're like that all the time when you're not.

And the biggest thing I could mention would be that when that little voice inside starts playing those old messages of doubt, you tell it to shut up and you go do something fun and/or productive. Because again, even though we all have that little nagging voice of doubt, we could all do a little better with learning to not listen to it and letting it get in the way of a good, happy life.

Best of luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 1:51pm
Well it's been three days and no word from him. So Its over. But thanks for your comments! It really helped bring back my sanity lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 9:47am

As the others said, we all have *those* moments.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 8:53am

One of the hardest parts of dating someone new is accepting that you can't read his mind, and all you can do is be yourself without trying to force things into working out. He's a separate individual with a different brain, different priorities, different likes/dislikes, different communication style, and so forth... You are right, the ball is in his court :) The only way you can tell how things are going to work out is by giving him the chance to do things himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:45pm

we all have had phsyco moments...if he calls he call if he doesnt he doesnt your life wont end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 8:11pm

ok so this was after a day that i was really stressed out with a combination of things, and let my emtions get the best of me. i felt better after i posted it, because i needed to vent, but now i wish i could delete it. but alas, there is no delete button on here. So sorry for my phsyco moment(i don't have many, but you got to witness this one)..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:36am

step back you are all over the place...you are reading into something that was nothing....just because a guy isnt making you the center of his attention doesnt mean he is not interested in you. But I can 100% promise if you dont back off he will run and run fast!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 9:01am

You're an emotional mess because you attempted to read his body language, were probably wrong, and ended up in turmoil over nothing.

I think you're agonizing over very, very trivial things. You fix it by calming down and not going crazy because he doesn't text you all day. When you told him how you feel about him, what did he say?

I think you need to stop worrying.