starting over

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
starting over
3
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 12:00pm

Ok. Here's the brief background. I messed up- kissed someone else. He thought I slept with someone else - started talking to another girl- first as friends then more. I found out while we were still living together. He was torn, things with her was easier-no drama, but he loved me. We both wanted to try- he changed his mind- and decided to try things with her. 2 months later, we meet for lunch- he says he can't be with her because he is in love with me...and asks me if I think we could fix things. We spend time together- he is still with her. The sneaking around gets to me- I tell him I can't do what she did to me to her- and that he should be with her. Well, he stops sleeping with her- tells her it's not working. She tries to give him space, we start sleeping together and they break up. Now the problem is... I don't know how to just forgive him. I feel like I still need some big explanation of why he just threw me away before and why I am supposed to believe him now. I do want this to work, but sometimes I wonder if there is just too much "stuff" for it to work out.


My problem is that my partner makes it all seem like since he picked me ...I'm just supposed to take that for what it is and just let go of the past. He says that I was always the one that said as long as we were together- nothing else would matter. So, he's getting frustrated and is starting to feel like nothing he does is enough, and I feel like he hasn't really done anything to show me how serious he is about us. I don't even remember him ever saying he is sorry for breaking my heart- ya know. Do men really think that it is just supposed to be this easy to start over? Or does he just think that after enough good days...I will let go of the bad ones?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 4:01pm

To be honest, I can't help but wonder what your relationship looked like BEFORE all this happened.

Generally speaking, women who are content in a relationship don't go kissing other men. And men who are content don't have sex with someone else for revenge.

My feeling is that your relationship must have already been suffering for it to end up in this mess in the first place. For this reason, I'm not sure it's worth saving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 7:12pm
yea.. I know that someone who was happy wouldn't have kissed someone else...I wasn't happy before. But what I wanted to know was...how do men actually rationalize things like that...and to a men...was it all just black and white
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 1:35am

About being thrown in the trashcan, don't forget you're the one who started this little game.