So the question is really how many of you
I'll be honest.
If he's not ready to put another woman first before his ex-wife then he's not ready to be dating, and he can't be serious with you until his desire to be with you is greater than his desire to placate his ex.
If I were you, in response to the birthday party, I would have said: "Thanks, that tells me everything I need to know. Have a nice life, good luck moving on"
I understand you have something of a bias because you and your friend probably have VERY legitimate reasons for not being on good terms with exes, but your SO has demonstrated really clearly that he's not doing what's necessary to end one relationship and pursue another.
I did think about
He may be a good man but he is clearly not ready to be in a serious relationship, if that's what you're looking for. If he wasn't a good man, then he wouldn't be (mostly) honest with you about what's going on. Do they have kids together?
I have 2 exes & I don't hate either one of them.
they have commom friends thats its it no kids and he has awlays been honest with me ..I can see it in his face and in his reaction. Niether on of us are ready for the big serious thing....I realized that about myself a few months ago. I am more curious of other and their reationships with thier exs thats all. I am dating other people ....he just has a bit more to him than other I am or have dated. he works hard, is the care giver to his elderly parents, is very thoughtful of me when I am with him and off and on thoughout the week.
Thank you ...I believe this is the first time that this kinda thing has happened with them in a group setting...he knows that i was hurt by it and he knows that I 100% understand where he is coming from and his reply was I am glad you still want to see me. I know while they were seperated they spent time together and right before the divorce was final I guess she made him a birthday dinner and that was the last time he saw her. ...anyway both your reply were very enlightning and very helpful....would love more feed back from others who are friends with thier exs....I have heard of exs and newbie wives hangout and doing dinner with everyone...I dont want that but would be interesting to read about. Specaill responses from a guy side...but hey this is a womans webthings mostly...thanks again
I'm totally with Crabby here.
Here's my take.
Some women and men have problems if the other is still friendly with ex - for me I remained friends - I div him cuz he was an alcoholic and hit me once.