still semi friends with his ex wife????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
still semi friends with his ex wife????
26
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 1:44am

So the question is really how many of you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 9:14am

I'll be honest.

If he's not ready to put another woman first before his ex-wife then he's not ready to be dating, and he can't be serious with you until his desire to be with you is greater than his desire to placate his ex.

If I were you, in response to the birthday party, I would have said: "Thanks, that tells me everything I need to know. Have a nice life, good luck moving on"

I understand you have something of a bias because you and your friend probably have VERY legitimate reasons for not being on good terms with exes, but your SO has demonstrated really clearly that he's not doing what's necessary to end one relationship and pursue another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 11:00am

I did think about

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 11:35am

He may be a good man but he is clearly not ready to be in a serious relationship, if that's what you're looking for. If he wasn't a good man, then he wouldn't be (mostly) honest with you about what's going on. Do they have kids together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 11:41am

I have 2 exes & I don't hate either one of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 12:25pm
"So the question is really how many of you who are divorced after being married for lets say more than 8 years are still friendly with your ex wife/hubby?"

Ha! I have walked down a sidewalk and passed my ex. We do not even look at each other. We never had a conversation after the divorce. I have no anger or hate, that was pretty short lived as I wanted to clear up my heart for good things. It's like that marriage never happened and he's a stranger.

I agree with Crab though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 4:46pm

they have commom friends thats its it no kids and he has awlays been honest with me ..I can see it in his face and in his reaction. Niether on of us are ready for the big serious thing....I realized that about myself a few months ago. I am more curious of other and their reationships with thier exs thats all. I am dating other people ....he just has a bit more to him than other I am or have dated. he works hard, is the care giver to his elderly parents, is very thoughtful of me when I am with him and off and on thoughout the week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 4:56pm

Thank you ...I believe this is the first time that this kinda thing has happened with them in a group setting...he knows that i was hurt by it and he knows that I 100% understand where he is coming from and his reply was I am glad you still want to see me. I know while they were seperated they spent time together and right before the divorce was final I guess she made him a birthday dinner and that was the last time he saw her. ...anyway both your reply were very enlightning and very helpful....would love more feed back from others who are friends with thier exs....I have heard of exs and newbie wives hangout and doing dinner with everyone...I dont want that but would be interesting to read about. Specaill responses from a guy side...but hey this is a womans webthings mostly...thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 8:04pm

I'm totally with Crabby here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 8:05pm

Here's my take.

Some women and men have problems if the other is still friendly with ex - for me I remained friends - I div him cuz he was an alcoholic and hit me once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 5:45pm
I think what happens when people overanalyze a situation is they get too far away from how they actually feel about it, and truthfully, your reaction is going to be governed by how you feel, not by how you neatly lay it out and excuse away every little thing.

I hear you on he's a great guy, etc., however, the birthday thing? I'd be out of there quick after I told him that was not cool, because obviously I'm not as important as she still is. And sometimes, that kind of knee-jerk reaction is exactly the kick some people need to get their stuff straight.

Being understanding is one thing, bitemex5, being a pushover is entirely another. From your posts you don't seem like the pushover type, so why are you letting this happen?

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