Strange Comments

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Strange Comments
3
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 5:01pm

"MB" still comes into the office to visit with me, still texts & calls me even after I told him the flirting needed to stop.  He has abided by that but I can tell he still thinks of me more then just as a friend.  During one of his phone calls to me a few weeks ago he said some things that really threw me.  We were talking about all the stuff I still need to get done on my house.  He told me not to stress over it because soon I would be moving into his place (I didn't reply at all).  He also said that in a text once but put an lol after it.  This time he said it very seriously without a chuckle of any kind.  Same call: He was talking about his old style tv and I told him "that's why your working all the overtime, so you can buy a nice flat screen".  Again, very seriously he said "no, I'm working overtime so I can buy you a ring and then I'll buy us a nice tv because you deserve one".  Still thinking he couldn't possibly be serious I said jokingly..."you better work a LOT of OT because I want a massive one".  But he knows me so well that he said that didn't even sound like me, because I'm not materialistic at all.  I agreed and changed the subject. This past weekend he went to an oldies concert with some friends.  While at the concert he texted me and made a joke about how ugly the crowd was. I replied "literally ugly or do you mean old like me, lol".  Here was his reply to that: "your not that old...and your beautiful...and your cool as hell!!...you got nothing to worry about!...wish you were here with me...we'd have a good time".    One of my friends was with me at the time and we both almost started crying. I was only kidding and wasn't worried about a thing!  He is so sweet so that's what I texted him back.  I honestly have never met a man that's made me this confused and dumbfounded.  I'd ALMOST think he was falling in love with me except for the fact that we've never even had a date!  I'm still keeping my cool and refuse to initiate the subject of going out since he is so worried about our age difference.  This is a conflict with himself that he needs to figure out on his own.  I'm also still trying to keep my self available for dating other men but I have to admit it's very hard when all I think about is how sweet he is and how much we have in common.  It will be hard for any man to match his qualities let alone top them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 9:15am

When I was single, I had a similar thing going on with a co-worker but it didn't have to do with age. I thought he was single, but he was secretly dating another woman in the workplace and they didn't want anyone to know. He did like the ego boost of flirting, and would seek me out to talk to me, which of course confused me since he wouldn't ask me out. I didn't find out until much later he had a gf. All he had to do was tell me had one, but didn't need to say who. Unfortunately, guys care more about what they need even if it hurts the woman. 

He knows you have a crush on him. He doesn't care that stringing you along with little sexy and romantic texts and calls which hurt you in the long run. Your mind is tangled up in a dead-end. You're going round and round on a merry go round and going nowhere. You two are having an emotional affair. This will prevent closure for you. This will also prevent you from being emotionally ready to date someone else. I don't know what your age difference is, but with his barriers to it now, even if he did ask you out, he'd be a high risk person to give your heart to. 

Have another serious talk with him. Explain your feelings and points of why you two shouldn't text and speak on the phone. Even if it's embarassing to you, you need to do if for your own good. He doesn't care about how he's hurting you, so you need to care about yourself. If he's rude and still tries to contact you, don't answer. Change your number if you lack willpower. There are good men out there, but they're not easy to find. Get yourself out there doing new things and going to different places. Try meetups.com. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 4:52pm

Bizarre -  that is a perfect word for his actions!  I'm torn on how to reply to those type of comments.  If I joke about it to much then he might think that I'm not really interested in taking our "thing" further.  If I say something more serious and if he is joking then I'll feel like an ass for even thinking he might be serious.  I just don't understand why he (or anyone) would make such comments jokingly. And today he did another u-turn by telling me I should go to another co-workers party because maybe I would find a boyfriend there.  And that is in reality what I need - a boyfriend so I could put him out of my mind. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 10:04am

I do think it's bizarre that he says things like you are going to move in with him when he won't even take you on a date.  but I think you hit the nail on the head--he probably really does like you & wants to date you but he has this idea in his head that he shouldn't date an older woman for some reason and he has to resolve that conflict in his mind.  I guess you could take one of two approaches on it depending on how you are feeling--either joke it all off, like yeah, right, when is the move-in date?  Am I going to have my own room?  Can I help you pick out the TV?  or the serious approach, like saying "Really, I don't understand why you even talk about moving in and buying me a ring when you already told me that you don't want to date me because of the age difference."