Stuck in my own misery

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2014
Stuck in my own misery
Sun, 08-17-2014 - 12:53pm

I don't know exactly what topic this falls under, but here goes:

I have been friends with a guy for about 7 years.  We spent many hours talking about our lives ... hobbies, etc. Jus tfriend stuff in general.  So, as you would expect, I became a bit too attached and have feelings for him in which in his mind we are just friends.  He is in a relationship and I don't want to jeopardize that of course, so I stiffle my 'extra' feelings for him.  But lately, I found myself doing what I never wanted to do...FB stalk. Yup, I admit it.  And now I feel more depressed, sad and lonely than ever - so much so, I deleted my FB account.  Yes, it was a stupid, childish thing to do but it's done.  I just didn't want to see him and his girlfriend having fun, going places, they went skydiving, running 5K, and generally being happy and doing all sorts of fun things I wish I could do, especially with him.  I know realistically I need to just get on with my life, find a connection, make my own 'happiness'  and i know there is no real easy fix other than time. 

Since he has beein in a realtionship, his texts and calls have become less and less and of course, I would be happy to hear from him, but that is not the case anymore...I rarely hear from him and if on the rare occasion I do, it's one of those, "well we're off to go skydiving (or firespinning workshop or photoshoot or ____" then I get really envious, stiffle that and respond with a 'have fun" or "sounds great"

So, all in all, yes I know I need to just 'get busy' myself and not think about the who, what, where, when of him and do for myself. 

But, how long does this sadness last?  I just feel so stuck in my own misery and I know better than this! I am disappointed with myself. :(

Thank you for any suggestions!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-17-2014 - 7:10pm

I think the misery lasts until you find something to replace it--a lot of people would say until you find a BF but that's not always possible in the timeline that we would want.  I think you have to find something that makes your life interesting and that you have fun with--when you're out having fun you won't be thinking all the time that you wish you were with X.  

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 08-19-2014 - 9:27am

What Music said was right, it just takes a while, and its better to busy yourself as idle minds tend to wallow in things. As to how long it will take, I think that varies a lot from person to person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2014
Wed, 08-20-2014 - 5:37pm
It takes me a really long time to get over someone that I have had a romantic relationship with. I have had crushes but something has always happened that forced me to end my feelings abruptly. In these cases--as soon as he said something about having a girlfriend, everything fizzled because I knew there was no way I'm getting involved with something like that. It would have been more difficult, however, if I had actually had a romantic relationship, or if when I went cold turkey, they pursued me aggressively. Bottom line is, at least to me, if it wasn't really real, then you will meet someone else sooner or later to transfer these feelings to, and as soon as that happens you will be over it.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-22-2014 - 12:09am

You already have the person she is you.  You are being lazy.  We all would like the kind of relationship we want to fall into our laps. No effort  now emotional butterflies.  Just soft and eazy.  That is rare.  the real world is effort.  Until you really know yourself then what have you?