Thank you to the guys' advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Thank you to the guys' advice
5
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 11:35am

A month or so ago I posted looking for advice from the guys' point of view. The information I got, on some level I already knew, but needed to hear it from someone else. Especially the guys. One of the messages I received was that H will never change because I am allowing him to live comfortably and allowing him to treat me poorly. They were right. Last night we had another conversation, or as usual, I am the who talked. I told him I was done, no more. I deserve to be with someone who wants to love me and wants to show it. His response "If that's what you want." Instead of back pedaling, or begging him to love me, I agreed with him. Told him that it was obviously what he wanted because he wasn't willing to change or treat me differently. He won't fight for the relationship. I feel somewhat relaxed about my decision. The ball is in his court now. I have no illusions about the future, he won't change. This is not a threat to get him to change. We are done.

Thank you to any of the guys who got me to see the light. I am responsible for the relationship and the way it currently is. If I don't stand up for myself, no one will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 12:18am

http://0urkorner.blogspot.com/

             &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 7:39pm

His response "If that's what you want."


I would have said "No, that's not what I want, but I have tried and tried for a long time now and I don't get anything from you. If you still want us to be together then I need you to help do something about it."


I think that by agreeing with him you have clearly indicated that the marriage is over. If I were you I would prepare myself for some nasty shocks ahead. Get thyself a lawyer. Make sure that you have independant funds available to you. He may not fight for the marriage but he may fight for the money. If he's nice about it, all well and good, you can breathe easy. Just be prepared for him to turn into someone you really don't know and get yourself financially protected. You'd be amazed at how completely uncaring and nasty a person, a friend, a lover, a soulmate, your former husband can become during a divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 8:02pm

I do think that you need to get some legal representation, but be careful who you hire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 3:41pm

I actually did say exactly that and got no response. So I took that to mean he didn't want to make the marriage work. I have told him so many times exactly, clearly, and in a straight forward way, what it is I need. Repeatedly, I don't get a response. I am done asking, telling and begging. I actually told him good luck trying to find a woman who is willing to put up with so little in a relationship.

Right now I am straightening out our finances, paying off some bills and getting prepared for being on my own. I am looking forward to it. My kids will still be here for a bit longer, but I have raised them this far alone, a couple more years isn't going to make a difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 9:41pm
OK, good luck with everything. I think that you have probably done all that you can. I've never been one to condone rushing out and getting a divorce but if you've done everything that you can and can look back at it later and feel satisfied that you HAD done everything you could have at the time, then Yes, by all means, move on. Once again, good luck for the future.