Tough conversation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Tough conversation
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 5:50pm
Hi there,
I am looking for some advice.
I have been friends with this guy for 12 years starting when we were 15. We are 27 now. We haven't been close for all of those years and have been reunited through friends 5 years ago. I never thought of dating him although the running joke was I was his other girlfriend in high school. We usually go out in a group after being reunited 5 years ago. It was around this time when we'd all be out partying together, there was something developing. Our mutual friends saw this too and never criticized. On a couple occasions we kissed under the influence although he's never tried to be physical with me. We didn't really talk about it.
Last night we saw each other for the first time in a year and we a good night out after looking at my travel photos. Went for dinner and a couple of our favorite local spots for drinks. The waitress commented to me how we looked to be enjoying each others company and I have to say I don't mind him being close putting his arm around me, gave me a kiss me on the forehead, or holding my hand when we walk down the street. We went our separate ways at the end of the night.
The problem is he's been in a relationship for the last 10 years. He never mentions her or "them" and "their plans". She's not really part of his vocabulary and I'm not sure if he's just with her because he's been with her since they were kids. We're 27 now...and I know he has wondered about him and I because he wondered out loud one day to me...but I wasn't prepared to have that conversation at the time. I know our closeness is not really normal I just don't know what to do.
I'm not worried about losing my friend, but starting the needed conversation is tricky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 7:15pm
I would just tell him to give you a call if he is ever available, then go on your way. I wouldn't want to get mixed up


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 8:22pm

I agree and disagree with the other poster.

I stayed with someone for 20 years...for reasons other than that can be true.

But, I do think you should take the advice when she let you know if he is ever available...and tell him straight out you know that he has been involved with someone for a very long time.