is this true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
is this true?
15
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 12:04pm

Is it true that the more you pursue someone (via phone, email or text) that they pull away even further from your grasp??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 1:03pm

Generic answer ... everyone is different & while some men will like to be pursued by a woman, not all will


Specific answer ... if I doesn't seem to be working, then ... try something else


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 2:48pm

we did flirt when we used to work together but my position was eliminated and now i don't see him on a regular basis

i feel if i don't contact him then the friendship will die because he isn't contacting me
when i asked him about this on one of my recent phone calls to him he chuckled on the phone and said "not yet" i think i make him nervous because i am so bold to lay it out that i basically want him and all he has to do is call, pathetic?? i don't think so. i think i know what i want and i am trying to get it, even if it is a phone call and a honest lunch between friends.

when i told him, yeah, not yet means a nice way of saying no and he said no that is not true and that is not what i am saying.

i'm head over heels for him and he knows it, patience is wearing thin for me. i am venting on these message boards so it might make me feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 3:21pm

not yet .... and he said no that is not true and that is not what i am saying.


Sounds to me ... He's seeing someone else


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 3:26pm

You're only kidding yourself.


Is this the same man you referred to in your other post? The man that's married? He's not interested in you, so let it go.



V224333_103.jpg picture by nhgal2006


"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest,
It's about those who came and never left your side ...."
Unknown



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:32pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:04pm

Is this the same married man you post about every few months since last November?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
In reply to: tinatoodles
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 11:23pm

Toodle on to someone else Tina...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: tinatoodles
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 3:16pm
If a guy is into you the same way you are into him (and he's not immature and does not have something the matter with him that he likes to play games, in which case, you don't need a guy like that anyway!), you shouldn't have to pursue or push hard. If a guy is unsure or has mixed feelings for you, then, yes, that kind of pursuit will push him away. I do not think it is a good idea to keep trying until you get him if he is not responding to your advances...that makes one look like a stalker, IMO. Well, maybe it does not make one a stalker, but it is at the very least extremely annoying and uncomfortable to be pursued by someone you do not want to be pursued by. I have been on both sides of this scenario.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: tinatoodles
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:11pm
I disagree. Not every man is assertive. Not everyman read the man's guide to women written by a woman. Many have no clue,no game! You may have to tell him directly. It put the ball in his corner to do as he likes. Many men are not used to being wanted,desired or pursued so disbelief may be what he is thinking. This is the "who me"? stance.

xvx Pictures, Images and Photos


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: tinatoodles
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 9:39am

True stories about 2 couples I know.

Couple #1: The guy had a HUGE crush on the girl (we all hung out at the same place on a regular basis). It was so obvious! And it was really obvious she was interested in him, too. But, he was extremely shy, and he wasn't making a move other than to occasionally ask her to dance. So, she started to move on. Talked to him less. Didn't dance with him as much. He finally realized he'd better make a move or he would lose his chance! He finally asked her out, and she said, "It's about TIME! I had all but given up on you!" They have now been married a couple of years.

Couple #2: Another guy friend of mine had a crush on a girl friend of mine. He was so terrified to make a move - he thought she was out of his league and that there was no way she would give him a chance. Then one night, out of the blue, the girl confided in me that she felt like she kind of liked him. So, I encouraged them both to talk to one another...and they finally began dating, and they, too, have now been married for a couple of years.

So, I do know that shy guys do exist and that sometimes they need a push. :-) But, some guys make it clear they are not interested in a woman that way, and I think in those cases, it does no good to endlessly pursue. Learned that from many years of painful experience!

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