Trying to Understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2010
Trying to Understand
14
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 11:30pm
I have a guy friend who I am very close with. I consider him a best friend. There was a point that we shared intimacy beyond friendship, but we both agreed that we connect better as friends. Now and then he will bring up wanting to be with me intimately again. My reaction is surprised usually. He brought it up with me yesterday after we spent the day together previously, but then today he is telling me that he is getting involved again with his ex. I am confused as to why he does this. It's not the first time. He will tell me he wants to be with me, then as a retraction he will have something to share with me about another woman. Another guy friend of mine thinks he is trying to make me jealous. I don't understand why he would want to make me jealous though. Being as we are very good friends usually. I don't know if this makes sense. If anyone can help me with some insight I would appreciate it. Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 6:50am

My guess is he's looking for a FWB with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2010
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 11:33am

Thanks very much for the insight. That makes a lot of sense to me now as the suggestion has come up before. I told him that I felt if he was talking to someone, in this case two girls, that he should save his sexual energy for them. LOL

So I guess my next question is can FWB really work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 2:30pm

Some FWB work out well, some don't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 8:31pm

Can FWB really work? YES they can!
I have had FWB'S and they work well. However it helps to discuss the rules.
In my experience it helps if He is not your "type". Nor you his.
That it is understood that each will have others. (whether you will talk about them is another discussion point)

Now there is another arrangement a Booty Call. That is a person you would call for sex. It can be a two way street. Many women like it because they can get sex and be satisfied while "dating" their "target" (with whom the are non sexual) And /or can do things with that the "target" does not do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:51pm
I agree, he is testing you with talking about other women, trying to see your reaction... if you care, get mad, tell him not to, then he knows that you also feel the same about him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 6:47am

You've "trained" him and now you're confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 8:05am
Thanks for your response. I do understand the situation from that pov thanks for simplifying it for me.
Its not that simple of a situation though. There were feelings that got involved when we tried the FWB. It was acknowledged and discussed. It was more so on my part than it was for him, so we stopped. That's why I don't understand why he wants to go back and stir the pot. Especially since after this experience we became closer as just friends. He can get "milk and cookies" from anybody, but he's coming back for mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 9:40am

I agree with mc001 and I know you understand what he's saying, but you're still adding complexity to a situation that can be simplified. Yes you had emotions and had talks and all that, but what it boils down to is that he isn't as complex as you, and he wants a situation that works. Casual sex works for him.

The thing is, unless he is an extremely special individual, he CAN'T get "milk and cookies" from anybody. Men realize that they can't just point to a woman on the street and have a good chance of sleeping with her. Sex from a woman is way more valuable commodity than the opposite, so when a man finds a way to get it, he's going to go back to it, rather than move on, start over, and try the whole process with someone else. I'm not trying to call this guy a dog or anything, but even just in general when something works for you, it's something you want to hold onto.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:18am

Here we go again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:54am
Are you referring to my post, or the OP's response to you? I don't understand the disconnect

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