is this uncommon

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
is this uncommon
6
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 12:39pm

I've recently started dating a guy that is 35 years old, never married, no children. He tells me his longest relationship was a year. Is this a red flag? I asked him about it and even though we have only been on 4 dates and talked on the phone numerous hours on end he tells me he has never felt as comfortable with someone as he does me. He has stated that he doesn't want to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 8:51pm
Based on what you posted - I'd be gone - 1yr at 35? - And he is waiting to be on the same page?

Denise

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 9:33pm
In my opinion, yes it is a red flag. But a red flag is something to watch for only, not proof of anything at all. I can think of three guys I've known of who didn't get married until their 40's and seemed to not have had much going longterm before then. All three made excellent longterm husbands and where applicable, fathers. So I think it can indicate a lot of things, but maybe a large one among them is just that this could be a guy who doesn't like change that much, who doesn't go jumping from one life situation to another. Just one way of interpreting it. I think it is somewhat uncommon, but then again many very stupid and ignorant things are very common so really who cares about that. For now, if it was me, I would just go by if you like him or not and wait for the rest of his story to unfold, just like with anybody else. After all there are much worse things he could have in his past, aren't there? Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 4:05am

How about a yellow flag?

Proceed with caution or something like that?

We haven't got much information to go on to give you a good answer, but yeah, I'd be curious as to why they haven't worked out - not that asking him is ever going to get anything but his side of the story. I mean if he's had like one hundred and eighty-six-dozen short term relationships of only a few months each, and only two made it to a year then yeah, it'd definitely be a red flag. As it is I'd give it a go. The law of averages says there will be some perfectly normal people that just haven't had the luck to have found a longterm relationship by the time they turn 35yo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:58am

I agree with Westie, there isn't a lot of information to go on.



35 years old isn't old, there could have been things going on in is life where he didn't have the time or didn't have the desire to be in a serious relationship.



It's possible he just hasn't been lucky enough to find the right woman for him

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 5:57pm
Yeah - thats good - never thought of a yellow flag

Denise

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:01pm

The mere fact that he is 35 and never

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:43pm

" He has stated that he doesn't want to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 7:49pm
I don't know how common or uncommon it is. I would advise you to proceed with caution. everyone is different in one sense or another. so he may have a reason for his limited experience. for example, I am 36 and I have never dated. I don't see that as a problem. for me it's easier to focus on my academic goals and career goals than it is to worry about dating. in a medical sense it's better for me to be single because I don't want to go through the burden of explaining to people how my medical condition works and basically become a medical professor inadvertently. so I would proceed with caution.