Unexpected gift

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Unexpected gift
22
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 2:01am
I went out with this girl who i thought was a bit hot. We were making out at the end of the first date. This was actually the first day we meet too.

Later that week i told her i just wanted to see her casually. I was pretty much interested in getting into her pants. She wasn't impressed when i said i just wanted to see her casually, but i was just trying to be honest with her.

She asked me out again the next weekend when we were both at home doing nothing one evening. I told her i would go out if we did a bit more than just kissing, since just kissing got boring after a while. She agreed and we went out and messed around heaps, but didn't sleep together.

I stopped contacting her and avoided her messages after that. Slack i know, but i was confused about her and what i wanted from her too. I was a bit interested, but she didn't seem to keep things simple.

A few weeks later i recieved a parcel in the mail. It was from her. It contained a letter and some interesting items. The letter was long and detailed how she was dissappointed in me and then changed tone when it said how she'd like to meet up with me for just casual fun (note: casual sex). The letter even detailed what she hoped we'd get up to together. In the parcel was a candle, some condoms, some cards with sexual messages on them, and information on where to meet up to continue fun times with her.

How would you view this? What would you do in this situation??






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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 8:33am
Title: I'd be curious to see what the women say....

...but guy to guy, I'd say she is a nut job to be avoided.

She has already...twice ("She wasn't impressed when I said I just wanted to see her casually" and "The letter was long and detailed how she was dissappointed in me") expressed how "unimpressed" and "disappointed" she is with the notion of a casual sexual relationship. Yet, suddenly by trhe end of this letter she is all for it?

So...the way she sets up this casual sexual relationship is by sending you a parcel full of items including a long letter, several cards and a candle?? Ummm...most women I know who want to just catch a booty ride pick up the phone.

She CLEARLY wants something more of this than you do...edvindenced by both her disappointment with what you proposed, and the amount of effort she has put into getting back into your companionship. It is a big deal for her...CLEARLY.

What would I do? Avoid her like the plague.

Take it from a guy who has lived the "I understand our relationship now, lets just have fun" lie, as told by someone who was a MAJOR drama queen, using sex and this lie to keep me within reach. What a fool I was to believe her...again and again and again. (Hell, she even started sleeping with other people to "prove" she was "over me" and that it was "just sex". It was NEVER just sex with her....major drama...).

You do this, you will live to regret it. Very rarely with women is there truly a "free ride", and seldom are the signs so clear that there WILL be a toll to pay.

Ignore this advice at your peril.

Ladies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 8:36am
What would I do? It depends which head I was thinking with. If she was really hot, and I had nothing else that would really interfere with that decision (such as being in a monogamous relationship already) then I would probably meet up with her for a hot session of sex. Sometime during that meeting (probably after the sex), I would also have a serious discussion with her about why I pulled the disappearing act, and my concerns about her.

Of course I would also listen to my gut. If I had the feeling she was going to take this *way* more serious than I intended, then I might turn her down. I don't care what she actually says, I have to be comfortable with thing. If I think she trying to lure me into a relationship that I don't want, by using sex... Then I have to ask myself if the sex is worth the hassle.

No knowing the girl in question, these are things I can't answer. Only you can.

What does your gut instinct say?

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 10:00am
Depends:

1. Will it be easy to sneak off into the darkness after your night of passionate fun?

2. Is the sex going to be worth the price of the hotel room?

3. Will it all be worth it if she is trying to lure you into a relationship web, and you have to reject the notion AGAIN thus resulting in an emotional retaliation? Think stress headache as you stare out the window wishing this could all just be over.

If you can answer yes to all three, knock yourself out, tiger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 10:32am
Make sure you don't end up with an STD...or as a daddy.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 12:36pm
She's got a crush on you!! I read it that she's having trouble

with her emotions. She instincively feels her feelings aren't returned,

so she's trying to place you in an environment where she can

feel that the emotion is returned. Do you know what I mean?

I think she's desperate for the illusion that you care about her

so that she can revel in her feelings from the crush. I don't know

if you've had a crush on anyone... but it can make you nuts if the

object of your crush is just a little interested. It's better if

the object of interest is either not at all intersted or they feel the same way.

A little interest from the object of interest feeds the crush, but teases

you because there is some element of doubt there too.

What would I recommend? One thing you can try is to talk to her and

ask her "what are your intentions?" Tell her that she doesn't have

that "element X" (you know that special element..) for you. She's

attractive in every way, but the special connection is NOT there.

Does she really want you under those circumstances?

(A dose of reality should wake her up) Probably she'll want the

candle back....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 12:53pm
Title: How could this possibly help?

"I don't know if you've had a crush on anyone... but it can make you nuts if the

object of your crush is just a little interested. It's better if the object of interest is either not at all intersted or they feel the same way."

VERSUS

"Tell her that she doesn't have that "element X" (you know that special element..) for you. She's attractive in every way, but the special connection is NOT there."

Aren't these tings in DIRECT contradiction? It makes her nuts that he is just a little interested, so he should tell her that she is attractive in every way except for that "special element".

You don't think Miss Nut Job won't then make it her LIFE MISSION to prove to him that she can acquire or already posesses "element X"?

"A dose of reality should wake her up"

He's already told her that he doesn't want anything other than a piece of ass, and she still hasn't gotten the hint. How much more realistic can you get?

SMH...LOL...still amazed sometimes at the inner workings of the female mind....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 1:32pm
While I disagree with Gogo's comment that there WILL always be a price to be paid, I have to agree with everything else he said. The few cases of just sex r/ship I've seen work have some elements you don't. Both parties were on the same page. It wasn't casual dating, it was a bed buddy. R/ships were not the goal of either person. Etc.

This woman is putting WAY too much effort into some guy she's only seen twice. She can't have emotions for you unless she has emotional problems. Which you probably don't want to get involved in...or do you?

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 4:20pm
You are right. Didn't see it that way. Adding the comment about

being "attractive" might give her cause to hope. I thought maybe

something to indicate I don't want you but you have great qualities

that someone else might want would. Okay you got me. Let's edit

the advice then... would you agree that he says " You don't have

that special ingredient X" that I'm looking for. Sorry I can't

pursue this with you. I don't believe in "just friends" so

please don't contact me"... Gogo bear does that now help?

I still think she has a crush, and that feelings returned on only

a little interest (but not a similar "crush") by the object of

desire fuels nutty behavior. That's why if he isn't totally

turned on by her he better get outa there or expect more conflicting

and crazy behaviour.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 4:47pm
Title: That is better, but...

...**MY** recommendation would be that he pretend she doesn't exist. If she contacts him again in such a way that he can't avoid her, then he can give her the speech...but from my POV, if he initiates any contact with her, that will be taken as romantic interest. Plus, he might be tempted to collect the booty ride that apparently is being offered (my personal weakness from my situation...)

Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 5:31pm
She wants a relationship with you, despite her words to the contrary. Otherwise its unlikely she would have gone through all the trouble. She's probably hoping that if she gives you sex, you will eventually "fall" for her & want a relationship with her.

A common scenario for too many women who erroneously think (subconsciously) they're going to trade sex for affection; ie a relationship.

I wouldn't go there with her. Clearly her actions tell you that you're not on the same page.

Barbara

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