Very Confused! Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Very Confused! Please help!
3
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 6:36am

Hello all! I will try and make this as short as possible. About 3 years I was kind of dating a guy named Ross. I would go in to his work frequently to have lunch with him and his co-workers. Since his co-workers were all men, sometimes their jokes could get a little bit over the top and I would begin to feel uncomfortable/as though they were attacking me. A guy who worked with them, Chris, was always very good at picking up my signs showing that I was uncomfortable and would try and get the other guys to back off. I was always very thankful to Chris and felt as though he would protect me. When Ross and I stopped dating, Chris and I happened to not talk again either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 10:07am

According to your post on the other board, you say that you and your bf have just recently ended what had been a 6 year relationship:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Ask-Dr-Shoshanna/Ending-of-6-year-relationship/m-p/117390233/message-uid/117390233#U117390233

but here it sounds as though you broke up with Ross quite some time ago:

"When Ross and I stopped dating, Chris and I happened to not talk again either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 11:19am

Thank you for your reply!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 12:07pm

It's not really "unfortunate" that you run into him since you are making a conscious choice to park where you'll probably see him.

italianhazeleyedgal, Chris expressed regret that he was never able to date you, but he has a girlfriend and my guess is that he had second thoughts (or his girlfriend chose for him) about catching up with you, since there is attraction and it would complicate things.

"maybe I went overboard on the texts but it drives me nuts when people don't reply"

Continuing to go overboard on texting/email is going to make that worse.

"Do you think that he'll try and talk to me IF he and his girlfriend breakup"

I can't tell, but you're not helping your chances if you think you're going overboard on contacting him... You may feel like you're being straightforward and nice, but to him, you're getting a little bit psycho and he can't respond to you the way you want him to because he's not available to date you.

Leave him alone, now and in the future. Just stop. You're doing too much. If you don't want to cause friction, then stop doing what you're doing and find another guy to have a crush on. This one is not available for you and we can't give you advice assuming that he and his girlfriend are going to break up. They might get married. Who knows - Bank on that possibility and move on, because continuing to text and send Emails is you making a fool of yourself. You're not going to fix this situation by coming on stronger and stronger. It sucks but just back away, it will be better for your self-esteem in the long run.