We're getting married - but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2010
We're getting married - but...
11
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 6:59pm

Hi everyone!

I have a new question for the board, because I'm wondering if I'm being ridiculous.

About a month ago, my man apparently "accidentally" asked me to marry him (he suggested we get rings, but didn't seem to realize the implication, etc). I know, it sounds dumb. Later after much back and forth, we both realized that the truth was that a) he actually did want to marry me and b) he had a ton of residual fear from a previous relationship trauma, which he worked through.

So, we're at this amazing point where he's absolutely in love with the idea of marrying me. He introduces me as his fiance, we BOTH wear rings daily, and he tells everyone, and we're even attempting to plan the wedding, so it's great!

The only issue - I never really had an official proposal. And so, when people ask, we tell them this story, which he now thinks is hilarious, but I'm not sure I find it so funny. It was briefly brought up this morning, and he said, "Well, I don't know how to fix it now." I still kinda wish he'd propose, but we're beyond that. Should I just let it go now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 7:52pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 8:31pm
How did he accidentally propose? When he mentioned getting rings, did he actually say wedding/engagement ring? Maybe he was thinking more along the lines of friendship rings. How long have the two of you been together?



blackandwhite.jpg picture by nhgal2006



“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.��
Mother Teresa



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 9:01pm

I was never officially proposed to.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 9:03pm

Yeah, coconut, I think you may be right! I feel special enough, I think, so it isn't that - this was a BIG BIG step for him, and the fact that he's so excited is enough for me. But yes, I do kind of feel like an idiot when we tell the story, even though as I said, he loves it. So maybe we should just get it down to something we can agree on.

To answer your ? nh, basically he said, let's get rings, meaning, I already feel like we're married, so why not? But when the actual idea of doing the whole wedding/engagement/marriage thing came up, he was hesitant because of past issues. So, it was exactly what it was (i.e., in his way he was proposing), but he had some things to work through before it became official enough to share.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 9:05pm

We're not very traditional either, so that's probably the case. And he is saying he has a surprise for me, but won't tell me what, so maybe that's the case.

We're definitely in love and getting married, so really, I guess it is kind of ridiculous, since it's a non-issue. But yeah, it would still be nice :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 9:29am

I'd let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 7:29pm

Hi This reminds me of the marriage proposal in the Movie Emerald Forest!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:34am

So you never got the proposal you had yearned for , the one that you would know how much he felt about you, the one that showed you the passion and the desire and the love you need to feel loved...

then,
(So, we're at this amazing point where he's absolutely in love with the idea of marrying me. He introduces me as his fiance, we BOTH wear rings daily, and he tells everyone, and we're even attempting to plan the wedding, so it's great!)

and here,
“Tenderness is the repose of Passion”,

so let it go, dont bring it up again, or mention it to others as a negative, be positive in all that you do herewith, Dont kill it before you get started. everythings going to be ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 3:31pm

Proposals are overrated :) you can always fudge the story a little bit.

I never got "proposed to" officially, and didn't want to. To me, it is insulting somehow, but I am kinda weird that way. I think two people agree to get married, the idea that a man should decide to marry makes me so mad...

Anyhow... He suggested we went ring shopping, that was a proposal enough :) If you tell it with a big smile, noone will care :) (we did the same, btw:) )

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 8:14pm

Get a date and don't worry about the official proposal


I "told" my husband of 26 years (2nd for both of us) lets get married now.

Denise

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