What are the rules?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
What are the rules?
13
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 12:55pm

I am still friends with my ex and he and I text back and forth weekly. Nothing serious just checkin in kind of stuff. I've talked about us getting together with a bunch of our mutual friends to play golf or go out one night. But he feels this will anger my current boyfriend. I could see

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 6:21pm
I replied on another board
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 9:58pm

Why have you kept

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 11:02pm

she keeps it a secret because the new guy hates the old guy. New guy also has a jealous streak

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=33108.1&ctx=0

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 6:57am
It seems like a lot of people think the new one is weirdly jealous if they don't want the old one hanging around. But, I wouldn't like it, my husband wouldn't like it, and when it's their new gf or bf I don't know anybody who likes it. I think most often it does truly still mean attraction, "friends" is usually BS. Is there still an attraction? I say ex means ex, get rid of him. That is just one coconut's opinion. ;O)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 7:23am

After reading the link to your other post, I agree with some of the posters there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 7:31am

It

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 5:17am

>>He hates my ex and can't even stand to hear his name in conversation from a group of people<<

Not being comfortable...or being a bit jealous is understandable even for someone like me who's fine with an open relationship with the ex.

However, not even being able to hear the ex's name mentioned amoung a group of mutual friends shows that something is really wrong. Either the new boyfriend is irrational or the old boyfriend is someone to avoid.

Something is wrong here. And it's more than leaving the past in the past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 7:23am

I think that his response

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 7:36pm

>>I think that his response is a bit strong but then again she is being kind of sneaky about the ex so perhaps he's picked up on something there. <<

But what came first, the chicken or the egg? The OP is giving far too little detail to help us know why this situation has arisen.

Is the ex a stealing drug addict and the new guy has good reason to dislike? It's quite possible. Or perhaps the ex is a perfectly nice guy and she's keeping it a secret because the new guy is irrational and scary. Or has the new guy figured that she's sneaking around and is justifiably angry? There's just not enough information.

The only thing I do know is that due to the strength of the new guy's reaction, the OP must choose between them. And sneaking around with the ex is just plain lying by omission. Even with our difference of opinion, I think we can agree on these things.

As to whether or not the new guy's reaction is overly strong or not, again it depends on the situation. If the ex was a user and abuser, then new b/f has good reason to dislike.

>>I think it's pretty par for the course that when it gets serious with somebody else, male best friends and exes tend to be set aside and new boyfriend doesn't like them.<<

While I'm used to setting aside an old boyfriend (I've never stayed *close* friends with one). I've never had a new boyfriend dislike an old boyfriend. My old boyfriends were nice guys and there is nothing to dislike about them.

Likewise, in my husband's group of friends there are a couple of ex-girlfriends. I certainly don't dislike them because they are exes. On the contrary, I think my hubby had a history of choosing great girls.

As it so happens, one of hubby's exes from over 20 years ago found him on facebook yesterday. They are in the process of catching up 20 years of gossip. I met her a couple of times many years ago (MIL's funeral and because of friends of friends) and she's a perfectly nice woman. I just can't get my head around disliking someone simply because they are an ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 9:53pm

We don't dislike any of the other's exes either, but people I know who do dislike them

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