what do u think he's feeling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2009
what do u think he's feeling?
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 2:25pm

first i want to thank u all in advance for your opinions. i don't take anything personally so please feel free not to hold back honest opinions please.

i met this guy in the beginning of feb. we clicked very quickly and have a lot in common. he explained to me that he has trust issues as do i. he has a very thick wall up, but he opened up to me completely. he doesn't introduce anyone to his daughters but he did & the same w/ me. that is something i never do especially since i have daughters. i have a tooth brush @ his house & he has one @ my place also. i have slept over his house numerous times and hbe of course has stayed @ mine. in the beginning i explained that i have male friends and they are nothing more. well my one guy friend and i were having a convo about his drama w/ females adn for some reason he sent pics of his penise to my phone to "show" me why the girls give him lotss of grief. i cursed him out about sending it to my phone but never erased it. the guy i'm seeing saw the pics and kind of flipped out. mind u, we said we're not dating & we're starting off as friends & if it goes further thats fine & if not we'll remain friends. we got passed that issue. his daughter has been @ my house and played w/ my girls. he has said that he would enjoy it if all of us go out and do something sometime soon. he's gotten attached to my girls as they did him. i was even talking about relocating & he even said if we're dating @ that point it's something we can work on together. so the beginning of this week he came over. i left him @ my house while i left w/ my aunt. i forgot my phone. when i came back home he had a weird attitude and was asking questions (which he stated that he never asks a question w/o having a reason). he ended up leaving & i knew he was upst but he never said why. come to find out he found a txt between me and my friend of over 14 yrs txt. in the txt i stated how the guy i'm seeing acts like i'm his woman ( which was meant to be funny bc i always say that to my friend being funny)& i also said that he takes up my time (which was also said as a joke to my friend bc he feels whenever he's in town and we don't hang out which is our tradition that some guy is taking up my time). so the guy wasn't answering any of my calls or txts. so i begin to explain everything to him. he claims he never went thru my phone but was hurt/ shocked that i would say the things about him. i tried to explain what it all meant. he said that he opened up to me and he cares about me. but he didn't feel like i was telling him the truth. bc he said he should of never came up in convo & he was pissed my guy friend said f him. but its the way my friend talks.so he pretty much said we could be cool & nothing more. said he trusted me up until he saw the pix in my phone of my other guy friend.i told him i opened my heart to him, trusted him around my kids, in my house alone and am w/ him majority of the time which should speak volumes.i was crying & everything. he said that he stopped talking to other ppl and told others to stop calling his phone & feels that i left my options open. but i didn't. the next day he called me in the morning like normal. and again i ended up crying. then he called me bc he heard a song on the radio that reminded him of me. i went to my girlfriends for dinner & he called me a couple times then. he doesn't drink but he had been drinking & driving his motorcycle. he called me about 3times while i was over my friends. he asked if i missed him & i told him yes. we talked later that night when i got home. he called again the next morning like normal. i asked him if i was going to see him before he went out of town the next day & he said no. i was upset. next thing i knew he was @ my door. we went to lunch & he hung out w/ me and my kids for about 9 hours. we also talked that night. he left yesterday & he called before he left. then called while he was on the road. but he was acting somewhat standoffish. i asked him what was wrong & he said nothing. he talked to the girls also & said he was just calling to say what's up and would call later. his brother told him he knew i was going to be trouble bc i seemed to good to be true. and when he told his bro he was over my house his bro told him he was going to get enough of dealing w/ me & would end up having to mace me LOL. he rode w/ his bro out of town and i'm unsure if that's why he was acting distant. what do u guys feel is going on w/ his actions? i in a way feel that he has more feelings for me than he's letting on or is he confused? the night we really got into it he said his heart is telling him to run when i asked him. i really want to be w/ him & i pour out my feelings to him. i just don't know where his heart is @. what do u guys honestly think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 9:54pm

First of all I've just got to say this, a man you've known six weeks is a man you don't know. There's no reason you should be proving your feelings for him by leaving

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 3:56pm
I agree with the previous member. I think your relationship was moving a little too fast with the kids thing. He sounds like he has strong feelings for you. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he will get over the "penis" thing. LOL However, I think you need to tell your friends to stop sending you those pictures to protect your relationship. It's ok if you were dating a long time, but you've just met this guy and you are still getting to know each other. The thing with the texts and pictures from your phone could send off the wrong signal and it's just better to keep that in the closet until you're more comfortable with each other. It seems like he's really into you, so I don't see how he could not get over this. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 6:09pm

I agree with the others about the kids issue. Six weeks is NOT long enough to trust this guy or to start getting your kids involved and attached to him. Myself in your situation, I might be thinking about *introducing* a new g/f to my kids in that situation.

As for the guy, he shouldn't have snooped thru your phone but he did. As you said, he has trust issues so don't forget that he could be expected to react more strongly over any "trust issues" than a normal guy might. SO yeah, you may not be able to talk sense into him.

The penis pics - he'll just have to get over that. It's neither here nor there. That's part of what and who you and your friends are. I would ask the guy to avoid sending pics like that in the future since you're in a relationship now, but the relationship was so new that I don't think that you can be held to ransom over your friend doing that. Yes,inappropriate if you were in a serious relationship, but you'd only met your b/f a few weeks ago.

The other phone snooping - he'll have to get over that too. I might even say to him that we've just started dating, it's only been six weeks, the comments I made were to a close friend that I have known for years and were made as a joke to a friend that knows what I was talking about. You and I are only just getting to know one another. It's YOU that have gotten the wrong idea.
I'm sorry that you've got the wrong idea but you shouldn't have snooped through my phone either.