What do you do when he's scared of sex
Find a Conversation
What do you do when he's scared of sex
| Thu, 06-01-2006 - 9:12pm |
I never dreamed in 1 million years that I would meet an amazing man, with 2 flaws. First he's a vergin, which isn't so bad, BUT secondly, he doesn't want sex! We've been together for 9 months and have done everything, except for the last bit. I've talked to him on average about once a month (when I crave it sooooooo bad)! Yet he cringes, and says he's not ready. We're both 21, how ready does he need to be? I really love him, but I'd really like to experience sex with him. Any advice how I can get him to be more comfortable about the topic? ANYTHING will help. I kind of think I've found the rare breed of male who does not want sex.

Pages
Well, instead of saying you want sex, why not try talking to him, not necessarily about having sex, but why he hasn't had it, if he is waiting until he is married, if he is scared of getting a disease, if he just doesn't have all the facts, if he's afraid he won't be any good. Try to get him to talk about WHY he isn't ready, instead of badgering him asking him if he IS ready or WHEN he will be ready.
But - you don't have to be so obvious about it either. Ask him other questions, about his parents, family, friends, and just try to get him to open up to you.
I have to agree with everyone here, you need to open the lines of communication.
The average 21 year old male is likely going to want sex and want it often.
Have you brought up his childhood? Is there a chance someone abused him sexually? If so, that could explain this completely. That or religion upbringing.
Based on his reaction I'd say there is something deeper that just wishing to wait until marriage. Some people wait but theres a lot of hot kissing, fondling and touching going on.
Would he consider counseling? I too wonder about past abuse. Sometimes the way a person deals with post traumatic stress is avoidance. No one else has asked this but could he be gay? It's not sex with YOU that makes him cringe but maybe sex with your gender? I have gay friends that TRIED to be straight for a while. They tend to cringe when remembering those relationships and regret the pain they caused their partners.
If he won't communicate it's a relationship you need to look at really hard because you can't have a relationship that's decent without communication
These are all good thoughts and things I've tried. He's not religous, gay, nor was he abused (as far as he's told me because I have asked him these things). I have thought about the asexual aspect and that may be it. In past conversations he's mentioned that he really just doesn't think about sex because to him it's not important. I really can't think for him, but I've decided to try and wait until he brings it up to talk about it again. We have such a great relationship that I really don't want to end it over hormones.
Thank you everyone for your help.
Pages