What do you make of this? Friends? Mor

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Registered: 06-16-2010
What do you make of this? Friends? Mor
6
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:01pm

I've been working with a guy, online, we're on a project together, but we both work for ourselves and are collaborating on something for the last 3 or 4 months. We also have mutual friends and this is how we got started working together on this project. At first, he did seem kind of interested but then again, such things are hard to tell online, over the phone, and in email. So unless a guy clearly tells me bluntly that he likes me, or asks me out, I try not to make any assumptions. But I like him, more and more... but what he does that's strange is that he blows hot and cold.

He's there and involved and complimenting me, telling me things he won't tell others ("I trust you, not anyone else") open and warm, but then suddenly, cold and distant... and while I try to not let that bother me, it does.

So at times I think it best to perhaps stop working with him, let someone else on the team fill in and deal with him... I won't come out and tell him how I feel, because I've heard a million times a woman should never make the first move. But that he's so Jekyll and Hyde with me makes it difficult and even more so because it's not like I can ask him why, or how he feels. Because on top of all of this he is incredibly SHY and quiet overall.

And it's funny, we're both in our 40's, you'd think by now we'd know how to deal with these situations better... but if anyone here understands what's happening, and has any ideas of how to proceed, please share it with me.

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Registered: 04-10-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:31pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:40pm

Actually, now that you bring it up, he has mentioned coming to see me for a meeting, and that of course, has to do with business. We are going to be meeting up in person in about a week or so. Anyway, I didn't go into many details to not make the post too long LOL but what I left out is that it all started with him emailing/texting me late at night, after hours, and while he's never crossed that line, he did give off that vibe first.

Anyway, it is very hard to judge, but the one thing I do know is that women do have an instinct in these matters, and my gut says that something is there.

But your comments are tremendously helpful to me. Thank you :)

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Registered: 04-10-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:06pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:15pm

So wait, do you even know him in person? Is all of this interaction going on online? Without face-to-face interaction I don't think it's possible to have real enough feelings to pursue. I did have a relationship once that started out online, and was like that for several months. It was toootally different from a "real" relationship.

I'm personally bothered by his statement that you're the only one he can trust. It just doesn't sound like a very informed statement. Coupled with the fact that he blows hot and cold, it makes me wonder about his character.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:17pm

Yes, and that's how I feel at times myself... and why I say it's better perhaps for us to deal with each other less for now.

And to add to it all, he's told me on MySpace once that with relationships "it doesn't matter, they just end up hating me because I never have time." He's doing too much, wants to leave one of his jobs, but feels trapped because that one gives him his steady pay. And so while I sometimes take it personally, I also feel sorry for him and understand what he's going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:33pm

For whatever reason, in the field that we're in, there are so many unsavory characters, and in spite of the panic that exists about being burnt, we NEVER felt that way about each other.

Again, we have mutual friends as well and so naturally before the choice was made for us to work together, I asked those friends about him. They've known him for years, have also worked with him, and said great things about him.

And meetings face to face that were set much earlier had to be canceled due to demands of other projects that we're on, and so while we were waiting to meet up in person, progress kept happening on this project non-stop, and so we just kept on talking and doing our work. In that time, while others wanted in on this project, and it was my choice to take them or leave them, the end result was that I trusted him over them... I won't provide specific examples, but I was right. The others would've been all about what was in it for them, but with him, it was the good of the project - that means a lot to me.

Anyway, I think that the trust issue stems from being in an industry where LOTS of people bark up your tree, but not all of those people are sincere. Many are out to exploit you. Believe me, it's very ugly. So ugly that when you finally meet someone NOT like that, you immediately know it. And what have little of, you value more.