What does a guy mean when he says....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2011
What does a guy mean when he says....
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 9:48am

I posted this scenario on another board and had no response (a lot of views however lol). I was wondering if anyone here could help me out to decipher this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 11:03am

OLD can be so very frustrating and none of it makes much sense to me either so its sort of luck of the draw I guess.

I have had some strange experiences and you will encounter some good dates and not so good dates.

There could be so many scenarious with this guy... He either is too busy to get in touch with you or he liked the date or didnt like the date.

Maybe he liked you but not enough to pursue you and being a cop he is on different shifts.

Why not wait a bit and see if he calls you? Men are strange like that. They need time to sort things out and if they are interested they will hunt you ... If they are not interested they wont bother.

If you are the daring type like I am why not just ask him if there will be another date? Plain and simple.. this way you have closure and you move on.

I can bet he will get in touch with you at some point. They all ghost and then come back here and there.

maybe he is dating around and you were just one date in the scheme of things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2011
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 3:34pm
Thanks for your response. I agree, online dating can be frustrating and I am a bit new in this and getting back into the dating scene.

I admit, I am not as bold as you to just flat out ask him, though tempting as it may be LOL

I do have a couple of other dating prospects so if he never calls back, nothing really lost. However, I do admit, I was pretty interested in him. He and I really seemed to share a lot of the same interests, viewpoints and I felt a lot of good chemistry. More than I had felt with anyone in a long time. However, maybe it was all strictly on my end.

I did get a response on the other board that if he was really interested, he'd be calling me & asking when to see me again. I do agree with that too. It just seems odd if he was just being polite, I would think "I'll give you a call sometime" would make a heck of a lot more sense then to open the door to unwanted contact by saying "Call me sometime." I'd never say that someone I wasn't that interested in, but then again I'm not a guy either, lol. I also would have just ignored the text message I sent that evening and I certainly wouldn't have responded by an email in the middle of the night to that text message, again claiming how much of a good time I had and how sorry I was for missing his text...twice lol. I also wouldn't have responded to the second text and blown it of, or said "yes, I was sleeping, I'll talk to you later" and let it go. But as I said, I'm not a guy either lol.

He very well may be apassive aggressive and that could be his malfunction lol. In that case, I will be more than happy to run. ;) I'll be generous and probably give him until midweek (a week since we met) to contact me before writing him 100% off. Thank you very much for your input! :) I really appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 3:53pm

I know how frustrating it can be to do OLD and think you have a connection and it does seem one sided.

I remember I was talking to a guy for a few months once before we even met. We meet and then have this great date.. He decides to start kissing me in a restaurant and there was def. chemistry and mutual attraction. The next few days he tells me how great I am and all of that.. I didnt get my hopes up as we live one half hours away from each other.

Okay. so time passes and he just dissapears into the sunset.. I asked him what happened and he said we live too far away from each other. Case closed..

I had this other guy who was in Calif. (see my other posts) for work for about a month. He really lives in NJ.. I live in New

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 5:51pm

Perhaps there's no game at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 12:16am

As someone who has dated cops and has close friends who are cops try to understand 80% of thier life is cop. its not just training its a life style LOL We deal with 20% or less bad people in the world so how it effects us is small. 60+ hours a week these guys are on alert for weird activity. 80% of the people they deal with are bad its hard to shut that off...in fact most dont but try not to show it. They get distracted easily. They have to sit a certain ( facing doors ect...) As far as him getting back to you...hes been sick and if hes gone on duty over the weekend his 8 or 10 hour shift might have ended up 10-14 hour shift. He will call if he is interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2011
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 9:24am
Thanks for the additional responses :)

Bite, thanks for that. I pretty much figured that's why he was getting distracted. Funny thing was, come to think of it, he was facing the doors when we were sitting!

Freeatlast was right on that he would contact me. He text'd me last night and we went back and forth until he left for work. He asked how my weekend was and what I did. I made mention that I wanted to see Captain America but that didn't work out (friends wanted to see a different movie). He said he really wanted to see it too. I told him I heard a lot of mix reviews on it but none the less, still wanted to check it out. He also said he heard that as well, but he still wanted to see it too.

...... waited. Perfect opportunity to ask me to do something. He didn't take it. However I know his two days off are Tuesday and Wednesday and he made mention earlier that he was picking up his daughter on Tuesday, so he probably has made plans for the two of them which might be why he didn't bother.

Tru Blu, you might be right. I don't have a problem being assertive and I know there are probably men out there that don't mind that sort of thing. It just seems that every time I did the asking, being in charge, etc, it eventually just went south pretty quick. Most of my male friends and relatives seem to confirm that, but yet they like confident and assertive women too.

I do have to prod him a little it seems. When it came time to take our communication out of email, I said "I would give you my number but you haven't asked for it yet". He apologized and said "Wow, I'm such a dork. Just like me to get wrapped up talking about books and movies and not ask something like that." Then when I felt it was time to meet and felt I wasn't getting anywhere, I said "Maybe if we meet....." and he then took the lead and wanted to set something up.

Not sure if this one is just mildly interested with a touch of laziness or he just needs encouragement. His divorce was final this April and he had been split from her for almost a year and a half prior to that. He told me she cheated on him multiple times but tried to stick through it because of his daughter, so not sure if this is a confidence issue, playing cautious, or a bit of both. He was vague on his profession for a bit so when I asked him about it, he told me he was an officer and that: "I don't like to advertise it because of two reasons. I rather someone get to know me since many people can make snap judgement about that and so a woman wants to get to know me for who I am, not just seeing an uniform." For him to say that, it kind of makes me wonder if women are throwing themselves at him so not sure if confidence is really an issue.

I guess I'll just have to see how this plays out!