what does this mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2013
what does this mean?
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 5:16pm

Here's an awkward story, bear with me. 

I have known this guy through a mutual friend for a few years now, some of us have just assumed he was gay, he never brought dates around, never really hit on girls when out in clubs, he has never discussed conquests with any of the guys in the group, he holds conversations with women of our group but mostly things like baseball and work, no in-depth conversations, anyway, I never paid a lot of attention to him, he was a nice guy and he was fun, but I was always more interested in another guy and in fact had a friends with benefits  relationship with this other guy for years, that has been over for about a year now and while old fwb and awkward guy were never really friends they are in the same circle of friends. 

lately, things have been tense with fwb guy since he started dating a friend of mine and it got awkward. awkward guy was always there to talk to me and he has opened up a lot to me. He has started laughing at my jokes even when they arent funny, and even got a bit handsy with me at a party (awkwardly handsy and never actually said anything about it) . he was very drunk and eventually got sick and passed out in the living room. i left with my friend, and fell asleep. 

thing is, I've sort of developed feelings for him over the past month or so, I am supposed to hang out with him and friends later this week, he may not remember Saturday, should o bring it up? should i suggest we hang out one on one? or should i drop it and just wait to see what happens next? I dont have his number or I would have texted him a "hey how ya feeling after all that drinking text" to start a conversation. but i cant so I dont know what to do.

 do you think he just never made a move because of my fwb relationship with the other guy and has maybe started noticing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 11-27-2013 - 9:46am

In my experience, guys like to make the first move. As a woman, you need to give him signals that you will say yes if he asks you out. The next time you see him, touch his arm and say, "i really like your shirt." If his shirt is too plain, touch his hair and say something nice about it. Tell him you just saw a particular movie and ask him if he saw it. Ask him what kind of movies he likes. If he says he wants to see a particular movie coming out, say, "Oh yeah, I really want to see that, too." You could also go the same route with restaurants, asking him if he's tried the food at a particular place. Ask him what kind of food he likes. If you're sitting next to him, if he says something funny, lean toward him and touch his leg.

He should get the message. If he asks you about the other guy at any point, tell him you two tried dating but you're not compatible with each other. Don't give details about it being a FWB. Always let the guy make most of the effort when you first start dating to guage his interest. Don't accept hanging out just to have sex. The guy should be inviting you to do things to get to know you. If he doesn't, it'll end up as another FWB relationship which you figured out doesn't really work. Have fun and good luck.

Avatar for Agent_86
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2014
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 7:57pm

Do you want to date him, or just find out if he's available to you first? This is a question you need to answer for yourself first... No need to tell us here, but just ask yourself what it is you're really wanting to know. Then ask why - that'll be pretty telling, and a journey within. If he was gay, or ambiguous, are you wanting to straigthen him out? Or if you always thought he was great, but just NOT interested bc he didn't swing that way, maybe now that stop is puled and you find the attraction suddenly met with a big red "available" tag? Just think it through, that you have interest without motives. Or hey, maybe something else. But you gotta know what you want and why, and will this guy bring that?

Hope it helps.