What does this mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
What does this mean?
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 12:07am
Married 21 years. H says he no longer wants romantic relationship, only really friends and companionship. He says "If I wanted that kind of relationship again, I would want it to be with you." What the hell does that mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 12:47am

If this is recent event, as in your sex life had been fine until recently, I'd snoop and see if he's possibly having an affair.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 2:25am

Did this just come out of the blue or has there been a long period of problems? Have you noticed any changes in him recently that might indicate an affair? I would file for divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 7:40am
Sounds to me like he is no longer in love with you.

stpatricksday-1.jpg picture by nhgal2006

I used to believe in forever,
but forever was too good to be true.
Winnie the Pooh
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 6:22pm

You're not giving us much to go on, are you?

The reasons behind it, and the implications for the future and moving on with that are difficult to predict or even guess at with so little information.

Having said that, I would question whether or not he's having an affair, or intends to have one if he isn't. It sounds like he no longer loves you but does enjoy the practical day-to-day part of having you around.

A more cynical person than me might say that he no longer loves you but doesn't want the damage or disruption that a divorce might cause - damage thats either financial or reputation or personal upheaval.

So he wants you around to keep the homefires burning but wants intimacy and sex from someone-else - its a rare man that won't ever have sex or intimacy in his life ever again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 10:45pm

Amyyd, you've got a number of posts on this board relating to him slowly distancing himself from you.

In late Feb, you said that you'd decided to end the marriage because it wasn't giving you what you needed. And now you're posting this comment.

So, are you still with him....or have you left?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 9:50am

We are still living together. I am planning on filing for divorce but there are some financial things I need to work out first. I also have some kid issues to work out. After 21 years, what's another 6 months? I have told him I am done with the marriage, he doesn't seem to get it though. I was just wondering what people thought about his comment. I have distanced myself from him emotionally because it is too awful to live on the roller coaster. I can't do that to myself. I guess, this is the last of what I am trying to understand in all of this. Also the last piece I need to move on from.

I recently found a book that dissected different relationship/personalities. I found my H (and me) in it, the emotionally distant. At the end of the chapter it basically said that if you are married to this type you have a decision to make. While this type can find their emotional self again, it is not likely w/out lots of therapy. Since H has no desire to change, I don't see this marriage going any where. Reading that chapter (please don't think I base my life on self-help books! this just explained a few things to me) helped to understand that these issues are not my fault. H has his part in this marriage that he refuses to see or to make changes for.

I guess I am still trying to explain things to myself and to make sure that I am making the right decision to end the marriage.