What does "shut down mode" mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
What does "shut down mode" mean?
3
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 11:53am

A guy I've been dating has been goes through some family issues and I haven't heard from him in a while. I knew he was dealing with them so just kinda sat back and haven't really done anything about trying to push since I figured anything I did could push him away.

I emailed him a funny joke this week and he responded that he thought it was funny and then said

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 4:53pm

Hi Pixiegirl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 3:33pm

That's it. You said the right thing. All you can do now is wait for him to emerge. There's not forcing him to come out because he's got one objective, and that's resolving/getting through whatever his family issues are. He can't think of anything else (that's what shut down means).

I know, it's affecting your dating life and it sucks. You could wait it out... or start seeing other people (assuming you are not exclusive). If and when he comes back, there's no reason why you can't resume dating. Be empathetic, but also nicely state your boundaries... "I'm sorry for what happened... but if something like this happens in the future, I would really appreciate a little heads up."

Either way, you are left waiting for him which is the only thing you can do right now. Now would be a good time to focus on you and spend your free time doing things you like to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 1:40am

>>or start seeing other people (assuming you are not exclusive). <<

I