What is he really saying?
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|Wed, 03-10-2010 - 3:22pm|
I have posted here before about my trying to understand my husband and what he is really trying to say. I need some more insight in trying to understand what hubby is really trying to say.
Just to recap: We have been married 21 years. We have had lots of ups and downs in our relationship, neither of us has been perfect. The last low point was hubby's affair with an employee. That was over 4 years ago. I have come to the end of what I am willing to put up with. H says he enjoys my company and loves me but is not IN love with me. He is not interested in my sexually. (We have gone from an active sex life to once a year). He claims he does not want our marriage to end. He works lots of hours and I understand that he is exhausted and has little time for romance and to rebuild our marriage. But if he wanted to rebuild, he needs to make time for us. I ask for 5 minutes a day of "us time" and on the weekend we find some time to do something fun. H has clearly said he doesn't want the same relationship as I do, and doesn't have the energy to put into our marriage. He said "If I wanted a relationship like that it would be with you."
I recently told him, clearly and calmly that I want a loving relationship. I want someone who will think I am important enough to put the effort into a relationship. I told him I understood that he doesn't want the same relationship as me, and doesn't have the energy to put into this, and that was okay. I was ready to move on. I have listened to all the things he has said and I agree with him. Our marriage may be to damaged to save, no one is to blame, it is just time to move on. I told him I wasn't even angry any more, it is what it is.
At first he got angry, although he doesn't show it much. Then over the next day he started saying I love you and sitting next to me, and kissing me more often. Yet, I feel like he is just going through the motions, there really isn't any feeling behind it. If he said he wants companionship and that is all he can do, why is he acting this way? As far as I am concerned I am moving forward with the idea that we are splitting up. For financial reasons, we have to wait a bit. I am okay with that, he travels a lot so I don't really have to deal with him. Am I missing something? What I think is he likes having his house and having someone who runs the house and takes care of the kids. He doesn't want to lose that, I am just part of the package, kind of like the maid. Am I wrong?