What is he REALLY thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
What is he REALLY thinking?
13
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 10:40am

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 3:08pm

Confusing guys are :(!

In fact he jokes so much there are times when Iam not sure if he is joking or really serious, he likes to get under my skin and get a rise out of me.

I have to say this sounds really like my ex-husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 4:40pm

Well thanks for responding,it's nice to know someone else has dealt with someone who is delayed when it comes to maturity lol It can be difficult to have an adult conversation,sometimes I want to sit and chat about something that is important to me and everything i say is met with a joke or something sarcastic.It gets annoying really fast,usually for him to smarten up and act 26 not 6 I have to get pretty angry,then he turns it around and says I shouldn't get pissed and that Iam starting s*** for no reason.That has actually started a fight a few times.

One time I was telling him how I never know if he's serious about marriage or not and so on and he came up to me wrapped his arms around me and said,well if I told you when I was planning to propose it wouldn't be a surprise would it?

So sometimes I think he just says 30 to make me really believe it,then maybe next year or something he'll propose and I won't be expecting it.But he has said 30 so many times I feel like on some level it is true.I feel like Iam trying to read a book but yet for some reason I can't manage to undesrtand the plot.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 5:29pm

He's currently at work right now and I texted him and told him when he comes home I need him to be honest about how he really feels and so on,he said he wants to get married but once he is done his education.He is a chef but he wants to own his own business and do all sorts of things in the culinary industry.So thats fair to me.Finish school first, but I told him, that is ok,I can wait if that is the real reason,however, I do want some sort of confirmation like getting engaged.Not necessarily anytime soon but not like 2 or 3 yrs from now either,especially since we are moving in july across the country.I explained that being engaged doesn't mean we have to get married right away,and we can wait for years before getting married once engaged.I told him to think of it as a promise to get married once we are both ready.

After all an engagement ring is alot cheaper than a wedding so if something were to happen and we broke up atleast it wouldn't be thousands and thousands of dollars down the drain and there wouldn't be any complicated divorce papers.I basically told him I need some sort of confirmation atleast.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 7:39pm

Sometimes its not about the person your with its just about how you planned your life. I have some friends who have been together for 10 years live together and just recently engaged. they wont be married for at least another 3-4 years and then as they both have said we will see where we are at. the fact you are moving indicated he really loves and sees you as that person. But I can 100% understand where you are coming from moving and no marriage let alone a ring??? Knowing me if I didnt have kids I would go..because I know I can always come home if I need to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 8:33pm

Yes, given we are moving and he sees me as the person he wants to make a big move like that with does show he does love me and sees me as that person, but yes I do need to know exactly where he stands on everything. I can't just up and move across the country,leave my job, find a new one, without atleast knowing he for sure wants to marry me, and actually proves it.Anyone can tell anyone they want to marry them just to keep a smile on there face.Its different to actually propose and physically declare your true love for that person.

He texted me back a short while after his first text even though I told him we'd talk more when he got home and said "I do want to marry you, and you should know that, and when it's time to propose whether it's a few months from now or a year from now it will happen"

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 11:10pm

well stop texting and talk face to face....and maybe stop pushing let him know your concerns ...I dont thinkis its all about getting married its moving and sacrificing a lot FOR HIM and you dont have the marriage and the ring...wheres his sacrifice...dont say it that way...let him know you are scared and tell him to his face!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 11:23pm

sometimes I want to sit and chat about something that is important to me and everything i say is met with a joke or something sarcastic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 8:15am

"Anyone can tell anyone they want to marry them just to keep a smile on there face.Its different to actually propose and physically declare your true love for that person."

And anyone can put a ring on your finger just to put a smile on your face.

Here's the thing...you are wanting him to ask him to marry you to prove that he loves you. If you don't already know that he loves you and aren't already confident in his intent and

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 9:16am

Iam actually not sacraificing much by moving, I hate my current job which is why Iam studying online for tourism/geography.Out there where were moving is a tourist town,whistler, so careers out there should be much easier to find in travel than here. So it's not like Iam leaving school,my school is wherever Iam. I don't have a ton of family,and even if I did I wouldn't stay because of them,I live my own life.So it isnt sacrafice on my part.I've nothing to give up. lol

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 10:36am

then go for it....but ask him why he wants to wait till then...you might get some insight to what he is feeling and ask yourslef if you wait that long with him are you going to regret it if it doesnt work...

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