What to make of his actions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
What to make of his actions?
4
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 12:29am
Ok my boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday thurs, we are both over 25, he said he wanted to be my bf but he says i told him that he wasnt my type and hes cool with friends, which thats a bold face lie cause, i liked him and he knew that, so i told him thank you for the wonderful times, for the memories and for making me happy, he said he has enjoyed the memories and we should create more, i said excuse me, he said we should create more memories, i said i cant do that, i just cant be friends with you when there is feelings involved, he also wanted to meet this weekend and give me my present he had for my birthday which he was out of town and couldnt give me at the time, i refused and told him to take it back and get his money back, he said no its yours you shoud have it again i didnt want it, he said he will give it to goodwill, he said well i guess this is where we part ways then goodbye and i said bye and that was the end, Did he just wanted to keep me around incase his new realtionship didnt work out? Or was that his way of making him feel good about breaking up with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 1:46am

I would break off all contact. It sounds like he is trying to confuse everything, most likely trying to get a FWB situation going,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 8:42am

"i liked him and he knew that"

Maybe he didn't...

Based on your response to the breakup (which from what you wrote sounds like you threw in the towel without doing much to assure him that you DO care for him), it seems possible that he has reason to wonder. Perhaps he was hoping that breaking up with you would cause you to be more forthcoming with your feelings for him.

I agree that being friends after a breakup (when feelings are still involved) is not usually a good idea because it delays healing by masking the pain of the loss; however, instead of refusing his "offer" and walking away why aren't you doing more to convince him that you don't want the relationship to end???

On the other hand, it is possible that he is ready to move on & is trying to let you down gently. Not knowing more about the circumstances (did the breakup come out of nowhere or has your feelings (or lack of) for him been an issue for a while?...Is he an insecure person?...How much DO you care for him?...)

Either way, rather than simply telling him that you can't be friends with him because "feelings" are involved, I would suggest that you TELL him how much you care for him, that you don't want to break up, and LISTEN to what he is really trying to tell you.

I hope things work out for the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 12:14pm

Hey there.... I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 5:07pm

It sounds like he wants to get rid of the sex and romance, but keep the friendship going. He thinks you can just hang out as friends and the feelings will magically disappear. Of course, you realize it is not that simple, and you need time apart.

It seems odd that he would lie about what you said to him. It doesn't make any sense to lie to somebody about what they said because it's not like they would believe you. He may have just said that to let you down easy, but it does really make me wonder if he didn't mistake something you said. Before letting a good relationship go to waste over this, I would have asked him what made him think that. The worst that could happen is that he will admit that he made it up and that he wants to end things.

At this point I would call him back and say, "Listen, I don't know where you got the impression that you weren't my type. I never said that or felt that way. If you still want to be together, then we can give it another shot. If you just want to be friends, though, then I can't do that, and I need you to stop contacting me." Then see what he wants to do. If he says his only interest is to be friends, then after this conversation stop accepting his messages and calls.