What's he doing to me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
What's he doing to me???
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 11:43pm
hey everyone

I was going out with a guy for about 7 months before we broke up (about two weeks ago). I was cautious at first but after 4 months of being together I decided to trust him, and allowed myself to fall. HARD. Well, to make a long story short, he became to busy for me, and ended it, but I can't seem to get over it. He told me he's over our relationship, but still kinda likes me. This just confuses me. He was my first love (I'm 16 years old) so I really don't know what I'm doing here (and I definitely don't know what he's doing). I mentioned that I had had offers from other guys and he told me to go for it (this was right after he told me he still likes me). Then he said he'd like to try again when he's no longer so busy (which will probably be in a month or so). HUH???? What the heck does he want from me? To go out with another guy for a month and then dump him??? I'm not sure what I should be doing. He's telling me to move on, then he starts acting like he still likes me, then he tells me he still likes me, then he starts ignoring me. ARGH!!! Well I know for sure I can't get over him quite yet so I'm not getting together with anyone else, but he is totally confusing me, and I don't want him to have the power to get with me whenever HE feels like it. Do you have any idea how I can get over him? Any tips (or any advice about what he's doing or thinking) would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 11:32am
Since you are 16, I'm assuming he is young as well. What you are doing is "dating". You are going through the pangs of learning about love and social interaction. To me, this guy sounds very casual. He likes you, but not to the exclusion of you dating other people. "like" is not a commitment or an agreement to a set of actions. It's simply a feeling. In this case it probably includes a statement of attraction as well. Just because you like a shirt in the store, does guarantee you are going to buy it. You probably like lots of shirts, and you won't buy all of them.

My advice is to date other people. Don't let yourself get overly involved with any of them, and keep things casual. If you don't like the hold this guy has on you, then break it off with him and stop seeing him. Your feelings will diminish with time.

We never forget our first love. It can be a very powerful thing. Don't think you are weak because you have trouble putting it behind us. Most of us have at least one person in our past that we couldn't get over with extreme efforts. You aren't alone.