what's our fate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2009
what's our fate?
6
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 5:59pm
to make a long story short, i accused my boyfriend of cheating on me w/ my cousin. not once but 3 times in 3 days. never once did i just ask him. i accused him and sent him very mean messages on facebook. finally yesterday he called me over his house so we could talk. he said he called me over to prove his point, that he didn't cheat. my cousin was messing around w/ his best friend. he said that he would not go behind his best friend and do anything like that and he would never go between family members. he also said that he gets enough p$@#* thrown @ him so why would he go to my cousin especially knowing the kind of person she is, and being my family and w/ her also sleeping w/ his best friend. then he got mad bc instead of me just asking him i accused him and when he told me know i believed everyone else instead of him and i say i love him. he says you don't do that to ppl you love. i told him he doesn't care about me or my kids and he is upset. my cousin also said they didn't mess around. he got her number from his best friend (who was telling me they were messing around but when i asked him in a text he denied it. his friend also said that he and i should sleep together to pay them back. there were holes in my boyfriends story, my cousins story and his best friends story. when i got to his house i was there for 5 hours while he sat trying to prove his point. he called my cousin 5 times and she wouldn't answer. his brother told me that he didn't know that my cousin was no longer living w/ me but when he was on the phone w/ my boyfriend he told him that she lives w/ her mom and if he wants her he can have her. my boyfriend said that i should know him better than that & what kind of person do i think he is. she had called my best guy friend who she was also sleeping w/ while she was sleeping w/ my boyfriends best friend & told him my boyfriend was trying to get w/ her & everything. but when i asked her she denied it. so why wouldl she go to my guy friend who she was sleeping w/ & say that about my boyfriend knowing he would tell me but then turn around and sleep w/ him & his brother & my best friend? she's going over my friends today. so for 5 hours i sat w/ my boyfriend while he was explaining hiself and things like that. said that there was no way to talk to me and all i had to do was talk to him instead of accuse him. he felt that it was important to get in touch w/ her bc she was the source. the one who started it all. before i left his house i asked him for a hug. he said it wouldn't be genuine bc he felt that something that could be resolved in a day took 72 hours to be resolved and he was frustrated and hadn't slept in 2 days due to the situation and neither have i. so we have a song that is our song. (usher's song there goes my baby) it's his ringtone and call tone. he sent me a message to my cell and it was a part of our song. it goes "everytime we get together loving u is better". i sent him a message this morning asking what it meant and he said he didn't know. if he called me all the way over to his house to plead his case & talk about the situation, then send me a part of "our song" what does it mean? is he done w/ me or does he still want to be bothered? he told me that i called him every name but his own and i assassinated his character. then he was going to get rid of the plant that we shopped for together and the one that i gave him from my house, i guess to get rid of anything that reminded him of me. he said it was how he was feeling @ that time. but they are still there & he hasn't changed his number like he said he was going to. i called and told him i was @ emergency w/ my daughter and he called a bit later asking how she was. i just don't know what to do. i love him and have told him more than once. i don't want to lose him. what should i do? is there still a chance for he and i? he won't answer when i ask.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 6:09pm

Honey, your post is extremely difficult to read without paragraph breaks. But I think I got the gist of things.

To be honest, your accusations would be very hard to come back from. And not just your accusations...but also the vitriol of your delivery. It would leave any person questioning a relationship. The fact of the matter is that you trusted the word of his best friend before you trusted him.

At this stage, he doesn't know if he wants a future with you. Part of him would be remembering the good times and part of him is very angry and hurt at having been mistreated by you so badly.

I guess it all comes back to whether or not your behaviour was a dealbreaker for him. I realise you've apologised and said you love him, but there are some things an apology won't undo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 6:15pm
sorry for not putting the message into paragraphs. i was rambling. but what was his point for having me @ his house for 5 hours? what was the point in sending me a part of "our song"? then he said he was @ one point going to throw away the plants we got together bc that's how he felt @ that moment? i just don't get it. if it's a deal breaker he would of just left well enough alone instead of trying to prove things. and then for him to send the song. it doesn't make sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2008
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 6:21pm

He's probably just confused right now. As another song goes "breaking up is hard to do." I'm sure he still has feelings for you, because you don't just turn something like that on and off with a switch. But he's trying to decide if he wants to continue a relationship with you, after what has happened.

Unfortunately, in accusing him of betraying your trust you have betrayed HIS trust in you. That's a very difficult thing to accept in someone you have loved, and a very difficult thing to forgive. All you can really do is let him know you're sorry for what happened, you do love him, and you're willing to work on the relationship to earn back his trust and forgiveness. And then you need to give him space and time to come to his own decision about the future of the relationship.

Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 6:28pm
i agree ninja. and true, i thank u also. i am just going to give him his time. but i feel that if i don't @ least send him a text every so often telling him i'm thinking about him, i love him & i miss him he'll think i don't care. i don't want to make it seem repetitive though and i don't want to annoy him. so on that i don't know what to do. i don't want him to think i don't care but @ the same time i don't want him to think that i gave up and never really cared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 7:33pm

Not sure about everything else that going on in your post...


The only thing I've understood is

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 9:40pm
passion, oh she was out of my house weeks ago LOL!!! wasn't keeping her around. her and my daughter who is 9 had problems. it got to a point where she had to go. i tried to do her a favor by allowing her and her kids to stay @ my house while they got on their feet & she starts bad mouthing me & spreading lies to my boyfriend's best friend. it's just a big mess