Why!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Why!!
8
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 8:05pm

Why!!



  • Why does my man sleep with other girls?
  • How do i keep him >
  • what can i do stop him from sleeping with other girls?


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 8:16pm
I have no idea what this is but:

a. if my man is sleeping with other girls, then b. I don't want to keep him, and c. if I have to do something to keep him faithful...well, see b.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 8:57pm
Title: I couldn't agree more...


...but the real question for me always is...why isn't this OBVIOUS?

Which speaks to the larger question I keep asking myself on this board...


Why do women focus on the MAN, versus what is it they want, then finding a man who will give them that?

So...presumably, this woman has a SigO that cheats. So...instead finding a new one that doesn't cheat, she asking how to stop THIS one from cheating.

In this case...

A) Lots of different reason, but in this case, my guess, based on your reaction to his infiedelity, is because he can, and he does you will tolerate it.

B) Why do you want to?

C) Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Welcome to your mother's world (yes, I am assuming that the reason you are so tolerant of his infidelity is because you watched your mother prioritize having a man..any man...over having happines and self dignity. It a hell of a leap, I admit, but what the hell...I think I'm right...)

GoGo...who is REALLY glad Baby GoGo turned out to be a boy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:53pm
1) Because he has no interest in a monogamous relationship with you.

2) If you want a monogamous relationship, you don't. If you want *him* more than you want a monogamous relationship, you keep him by letting him sleep with other girls, and you too.

3) Nothing, except possibly tie him to a chair and lock him in a basement, thus risking serious jail time as kidnapping is a high-level felony.

A man who doesn't want to stay faithful to you won't stay faithful to you. Ever. There is nothing you can do, nothing you can say, no change you can make to keep him from doing what he wants to do. Men don't do things because women want them to. Men do things because *they* want to do them. Men don't change because women want them to. Men change because *they* want to change. (Women too, fwiw.)

--fc

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 4:00am
Ah, but Gogo, there've been many women, myself included, who you've written off to the too-picky-never-going-to-find-a-mate pile (which in my case, might actually be true).

I'm happy to see this opinion, though. A little justification for the old self belief never hurt. Woo Hoo!

Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 9:34am
actually Artie, from what you've posted in the past, you've said you stayed with a guy that really wasn't "suited" to *you*. (didn't have similar goals, time frames, other issues etc) ~but~ you *LOVED* him, thus you continued in the relationship for several years, *despite* all that.. ..(NOT knockin'ya, please don't think that-we've ALL BTDT!)

I don't think the issue is being *too* picky (other than superficially regarding who to initially date) I know this post was directed to Gogo but I think the problem many times for women is not being picky *ENOUGH* in the areas of values, character, goals, timeframes, etc.

I totally agree with your response to the orignal poster, but also Gogo's. There *are* so many women out there that find a guy, decide they *love* him so they *continue* on with him no matter how many RED FLAGS. *Hoping* or even trying to *convert* him into what they *really* want -versus realizing maybe its time to move on & find a guy who is ALREADY "there". ..

Of course it rarely, if *ever* works for either one.

Regards, Barbara


Edited 10/4/2003 9:39:46 AM ET by mamma2my3sons

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 2:18pm
This one might knock you right off your chair, but I happen to agree. I don't think I made any secrets about the effort I put into my relationship or the effect it didn't have. I've told that story so that hopefully other women don't have to go through quite the emotional turmoil that I did. But let's be honest. I was 22 and fresh out of college when I met him. I didn't know a hawk from a handsaw.

It was a beautiful relationship even though we weren't suited for life, and I'm not sorry I was involved in it. It taught me a lot about what I won't stand for in the future and the things that I can overlook ('cuz let's be honest, we've all got our problems).

~Artie...

Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 9:36pm
good for you Artie. Great attitude, I feel similarly about some past relationships as well. You live and learn (hopefully!) nt Barbara
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
In reply to: jenniwayne
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 10:08pm
Uhhh...I've noticed that so far 8 people have voted in this poll.

"How do I keep him" is leading with 50% of the votes! What was the question???

Are people just voting for the fun of it or am I missing something?

jhoover

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