Why cant we just be friends???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2013
Why cant we just be friends???
Sun, 05-11-2014 - 10:29am

I have issues with having guy friends. What usually happens is they will want more than just a friend relationship. So, now I have no guy friends. I dont blur the line of friends and being in a relationship. No F buddies, no kissing, no nothing. We shop, play video games and talk about relationships, cars, guns etc.

I have a new guy friend 23, Im 29. We go to amusement parks and hang out at a bars. Our first time hanging out, he made it clear he has no interest in me. Which I agreed also.

 He asked one day if we could hold hands, I told him there is no point to that, No. He tells me do I know how pretty I am... I told him there will never be anything between us. He agreed. A month later, he says he thinks we would be great together, if not in a relationship then "cuddle buddies" his nice way of saying fuk buddies. I get angry and yell, there will never be anything between what dont u understand. I told him we cant hang out anymore and will have no more contact.

Another weird issue is I have a mechanic that I have known for 6 years, hes friends with my family. He asked to take me out for lunch. He asked about my bf and jobs, he says I should have a guy take care of me. He told me he thought i was a very pretty girl and he would love to take care of me for the rest of my life. I wouldnt have to work or go back to school, I could just travel around the world with him. The guy is 36 years OLDER than me. Im totally grossed out!!! He told me to think about his offer first, which is NO!!.

Im not leading these guys on, with a promise of anything or offering anything to them. I just dont get why this keeps happening: Im still with non career guy.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 05-11-2014 - 6:49pm

Perhaps you are attractive to them and they are impressed with you enough to want to be your man.  Men are going to try. That's a given.

One day, those offers will taper off and no one will say it to you anymore or it will be far and few between the times the offers are made.  Give the process some time.  You're still young and attractive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 8:19am

So..one's younger, wants to ocasionally have sex but you're not interested because you don't fancy him. The other could be your granddad, essentially wants the same and the thought alone grosses you out (ugh, I can see why). Why be in any kind of contact with either? Neither can be a friend. Neither will add anything to your life. Who's the non-carrier guy and what's the problem with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 2:35pm

Watch "When Harry met Sally" I think what Billy Crystal said about men and women being friends says it all. lol

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 3:53pm

  The problem is universal.  Being friends for some is difficult not because of the sex and or romantic angle.  but because of the culture.   Try going thru the archives and find posts by Marina her posts could geive you a different view of he world.  Read it seem there is a reality disconnect.

  I also am amused of course an older man wants to take care of you.  He knows it is not for his looks.  As a mechanic he knows it is not his social status.   The bargain is struck everybody happy.  Now if he was high social status?

  Subculture means a lot too.  People behave differently it they have been accultrated in different way.

  Another question what do you do for a living?  Could it be that there is a disconnect with how you see your self an how others perceive you?  

 A FWB is someone who does not fit the "my type" profile. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 7:22pm

I think men and women can be friends, but it has to be clear from both sides that neither wants more. For instance, I have been good friends with women with whom substantial religious differences would make a relationship impossible.  The problem is  there aren't  always clear markers why a man and woman shouldn't be more than friends. Friendship in such circumstances is indeed  tricky. Also, most people won't say right away,"i really want to f.... you but I'll start as your friend to see if it will help get into your pants!!!" They think this but wait to surprise you!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2013
Wed, 06-04-2014 - 11:55pm

I am a Nurse Aide, I take care of elderly people. If he was high social class it would still be gross. Also, I work with his daughter who's my age..