why do guys do this?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
why do guys do this?!?
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 7:29pm

Is the whole "fear of commitment" thing for real or just some b.s. guys say when they have no better reason for breaking up with you?!?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 9:46pm

For some it's BS, but it's very real for others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 11:11pm

I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 11:32pm

I was told "I can't treat you the way you should be treated."...I'm having trouble understanding why a guy would choose to be alone rather than stay in a nice, easygoing relationship with no drama?

To me these two things don't go together. If I told a woman "I can't treat you the way you should be treated," that means that she's high maintenance but I don't want the drama of an argument, so I'm finding a nice way to say I don't want to be part of that. That's not a nice, easygoing, drama-free relationship to me.

We had no issues other than his "lack of emotion" (as he put it)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 8:16am

Excellent post, Sheri!

To klmmud - his saying "I can't treat you the way you *should* be treated" doesn't mean he thinks you're high maintenance ... instead I believe he knows HE doesn't have what it takes to have a healthy relationship. He knows he's not giving you the emotional piece. He admitted his "lack of emotion". He's going as deep as he can and even that is too much for him.

That "lack of emotion" is also the reason why you're not having issues. It is easier to gloss over things that are a concern rather than address them. Also, I bet since he seems to know his issues and his inability to sustain a relationship, he knows this relationship isn't long term, so why bother addressing issues.

yeah, some people use "fear of commitment" as a way to politely exit the relationship, but like Sheri said, for some people it is for real. From what you wrote, it sounds like this guy is for real. I also suggest the book "He's Scared, She's Scared". Very good book.

My best to you,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 8:23am

It could be fear of commitment and people do have those fears but I don't believe that's common

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 12:14pm
thanks everyone for the responses & i will definitely check out that book!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 11:04pm

>>If I told a woman "I can't treat you the way you should be treated," that means that she's high maintenance but I don't want the drama of an argument<<

I so hear you there. I would also use this type of line if someone was too demanding on me.

Having said that, I think there's a slight difference in wording between what the OPs boyfriend said and what you and I mean.

I think his wording acknowledges that she really does deserve to be treated better than he can do. If he was dumping her because she's demanding, I think the wording would be more like "the way you *need* to be treated" or "I can't be the person you need". My wording would subtly acknowledge that the person has unrealistic expecations of me.