Why do guys do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Why do guys do this?
20
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 4:05am

It's just one of those peevish questions.

Why do guys send you to do something for them then when you come back ask you if you asked whomever certain questions?

Example- Our car was having an issue. He had the day off but had me take the car in for the diagnosis. I came back with the estimate and he started asking me all kinds of questions that I had no idea to ask the service guy. I finally told him "You call and ask." He called, set up an appointment for me to bring car in, I did. I get home and he is asking me if I asked service guy "X, Y, Z." Of course not, I didn't know I SHOULD have asked and he didn't tell me he wanted that information.

I just feel like saying. If you have all these questions next time YOU take the car in.

He did the same thing with a product he asked me to order when I was in town. I went in and ordered it. I get home and he wants to know if I asked certain questions. Of course not. He asked me to order the product he didn't ask me to find out more about the product.

I just wonder. Why do guys do this? If they are going to have all these questions then why don't THEY take care of it so they can ask the questions?

Just one of those things that makes me go ????????????



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 9:16am
I don't get it, how it that a 'guy' thing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 4:13pm

Never had a girl friend do it to me but all my bf's have.

I also did an informal poll of gf's and many of their H's do the same. Usually if the woman has H say-buy a product- they have already found out most of what they want to know beforehand. We certainly aren't going to ask him if he questioned the clerk at the beauty supply if that color was permanant or semi-permanant. He wouldn't know to ask. KWIM?

One gf told me her H knows if he is going to ask her a bunch of questions to do it himself. Therefore he deals with all car and electronic stuff. It saves them frustration down the road.

I mean obviously if he has all these questions he should either ask them himself or do the task himself.

It definitely seems to be a guy thing from my experience. (At 42 I've had some experience). At least it is a guy thing among my circle of friends.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:49am

Personally I'd have to say this has nothing to do with a "guy thing". My ex-wife used to do it all the time, and still tries when I take the kids to the Dr. or something. Like you I often said "Why don't you call and talk to so-and-so since you have so many questions." But she wont do it.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I've heard "You need to call so-and-so back and get this changed." I finally answered "No actually I don't need to call.....if you have such a problem with it, then YOU need to call." She refuses to call however.

So anyway, I'm afraid I don't have any constructive advice to offer on resolving the problem, I just wanted to sympathize. Maybe your guy would like to date my ex wife? That'd be interesting - LOL.

Soul

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:55am

Speaking as a woman who does this to her husband all I cna say it's because I just plain didn't think it through. I needed help getting things done and I asked him to do one of them only to realize later I still had 20 questions about whatever it was. I forget we don't share a brain and that he had know way of knowing I needed more information.

Thankfully, I don't do it as often as I used to. :) I think he'd be bald today if I did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 2:53am
My wife does it to me all the time and I absolutely hate it!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 11:31am
Okay. So it's not a "guy thing" after all. It's a different people style thing. I've only experienced it from the girl end and as the reciever of the 20 questions.
It drives me nuts too. I even think I might be developing a bald spot.LOL.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 5:02pm
Just one more side to the story.
I have been married for 26 years. In the beginning of our marrige, my husband would send
me to the car shop,automotives, and other areas I considered a guys place to do. All of my
girlfriends said the same thing. Military wives here. Let him do it if he has so many questions. I was raised that the man wore the paints in the house. So it was hard for me to get a grip on what my husband was doing to me. We had several blow-ups, and many many angry conversations.
His comment would always be, Honey I am not trying to give you a hard time, just letting you know that if your ever in that position again, here is what you need to ask. Through the years it became much easier to deal with. I would just bite my tounge and do it to avoid feeling stupid.
Now 26 years later, my husband is terminaly ill. He has not been able to do anything around the house, for the last 10 years. I am here today, because my husband made me learn how to ask those questions. I have accomplished a great deal in my life time, as we sit here on the deck that I built having a cup of coffe. So shut-up and get over it. I am so greatful that he did those things way back then or I would not of survived. For example : I can change a light bulb, change oil in my car, take the motor out and put it back in, anything goes wrong with the car I can fix it or find the right person to fix it. I can change out a faucet, electrical switch. I can build anything I want to and I know how to order the material I need. Just a few examples. I am not trying to toot my own horn here. I am proud to be able to do these things. Because my husband will not be around to help me or do the " Guy Stuff" as you call it. I tell him daily how glad I am that he drove me nuts back then, but I learned to be strong. We need our men for a lot of other things ladies other than to do the guy stuff.
I am not saying it is easy it was d--- hard. But take a moment to think about how much you have learned when you make a trip somewhere for your husband, and he gives you the 3rd degree about what questions you asked.
My hat goes off to the men and women that have crossed the supposed line of women's thing, and guy stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:43pm

An unusual reply. I hadn't thought of it in that way. It drives me nuts when people do that to me, both men and women. I normally don't run their errands for them more than twice when they behave that way.

There are, however, different ways of doing things. I realized after reading this post that this is somewhat in the line of the way that I treat my kids. I use their activities as a learning experience, working to gently show them the questions to ask and things for which to look.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 7:52am
Exactly. I have learned to treat every encounter with anyone as a learning experience. If you think about it, that is what life is about. You learn as you go. Along with pain, love, trust, and just being happy. It dosen't matter if you are 2 or 80, each day is a learning experience, it prepares you for the next step of your life. So the next time you are hurt, happy, or just down right mad. Think of what caused you to feel this way, and continue on. You learned something that day. Remember we always tell our children, be open
minded and learn what you can today, because it will help you later in life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2002
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 1:21pm
Well. I do many of the same things you have done. As someone who lived on her own, supported herself, had to be incredibely resourceful many, many times, bought her own house, remodeled it, etc. I too had to take care of my own home, cars, change my oil, spark plugs and wires, etc. I did not marry until 31 and that ex-husband was clueless about cars. Couldn't find a leaky hose if it dripped on his head. But I have reached a point in my life, as the busy mother of a toddler, that I want to take my car in and get it fixed. If it needs new struts it needs them. Do it.
I've learned what I learned because I had to. Unfortunately I learned it the hard way, on my own and asking the advice of guy friends. This partner knows much more about cars. I figure if he wants to know all the details then it's up to HIM to ask. I'll ask if I feel a need.


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