why do men disappear?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
why do men disappear?
25
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 2:56am
For the last month I have been talking to this guy. Things seemed to be moving along great then he just disappeared. We seen each other 5 times before it happened and the last time I met his friends and spent the day with him at his house riding horses. He has been really great and affectionate even in front of his friends. He acted like a gentleman Everytime I was around. Never pushed for sex even though I spent the night with him twice. When we went out he would pick me up and go anywhere I wanted and he always paid for everything and always making sure I was enjoying myself. He said he really enjoyed my company. I am 32 and he is 42. He has been divorced twice and we both have 3 kids.
We have known of each other for years but never talked. We ran into each other one night and he started talking to me. A week later I saw him again and he asked me out. I didn't expect to really start dating him but it just happened and he did everything right. The last time we were together he told me to keep in touch which he always said. But when I would text him that next week he seemed like he was busy so I left him alone and he never got back with me. I ran into him a few days later and he asked why he hasn't heard much from me and I told him that I didn't hear from him much either. We ended up spending that night together and he acted like he always did. Very affectionate, joking around, and just having fun.
I'm a little shy so I am sometimes really quite and reserved around guys I really like till I get to know them better. He said he knew that and was going to get me to open up and said he thought he was doing a good job at it. I told him he was and I enjoyed being around him a lot. That was a week ago and I haven't heard a thing from him. He did tell me both of his ex wives left him for another man. And I know he had a hard time getting over his last wife. They got divorced a year and a half ago. I've been told he hasn't dated anyone since her. Why would a guy just disappear when things seem to be going great? Was he really not that interested? I don't think he has been dating anyone else. Between his job and kids he rarely had time for me and had to go without sleep to see me most of the time but he always wanted to even though I would tell him he needed to sleep. He even told me I can come to his house whenever I wanted whether he was there or not and showed me where he kept his key. Is it possible for things to go too good that he got scared? Should I just give him some time or move on?
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 4:23pm

That is why I made that statement.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 11:13pm
But it seemed to me that we were on the same page at first, for the first 3 or 4 weeks. I know that is not enough time to really expect anything but it felt right and seemed like he was doing most of, if not all of the pursuing. That was my main question to begin with...why the sudden change? It actually happened over night. I know things like that happen most of the time when someone else comes along that seems more interesting or whatever. But I honestly do not think there is anyone else. So what are other reasons to make a man do a complete turn around in less than 24 hours when it seemed like he was the one going too fast. I didn't push him away, even though I thought things may be happening fast, I was enjoying it.
Plus there was intimacy. Even though there was no sex there was a lot of affection and cuddling when I did stay with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 11:19pm
And out in public we held hands or he constantly had his arm around me. Last time we went out to eat he even fed me...his idea...but it seemed like we were the only two people in the whole restaurant.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 2:35am

I think it is a waste of time of trying to figure out the "why" of people's behavior once the relationship ends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 8:56am
Thanks Mark...your probably right. I just have a hard time when I really like someone I ONLY like them and it takes me a while to move on. I know my problem with dating is that I'm too quite in the beginning. And I'm too nice...I know I have personal things I need to work on to get out of my shell. I have come a long way since my teen years though. But thanks to everyone for youropinions!
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 10:52am

I am with Mark on this.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 12:34pm
I have kids and school and work to focus on. I keep myself busy which is why dating him in the first place was unexpected to me. Plus I really didn't expect to like him as much as I did and get so worked up over it. I honestly thought I wasn't ready to date after my divorce but I think he proved that I may be ready. I think I'll just focus on my life. But I do appreciate everyone's response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 3:00pm
  1. I was in your place not too long ago - the first man I got involved with after the divorce
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 5:57pm
Actually he's not the first guy I've been involved with since my divorce. I just haven't found anyone that I connected with since my divorce and just assumed that meant I wasn't ready to date yet.
Also I have considered on line dating but I have a fear of actually meeting someone with intentions of intimate relationships. Not that I'm scared for my life, its more of an anxiety problem. I don't think I could do it. Just thinking about it makes my stomach start flipping...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 3:27pm

Are you afraid of intimacy in general or just assuming that all guys who do OLD are just after quickie sex?