why do some men do this??!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
why do some men do this??!!
4
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 12:43pm

Ok so why do some men state that they are your friend and that they will be there for you BUT when it comes down to following through...they don't..basically they either state that they cant do it OR they do give you a date and time that they will show up BUT then  they don't make it ..dont they realize how bad they look?Basically WHY do that to someone??I just don't get it.I'm talking now about a 41yr old man here and NOT a kid BUT I guess some guys still act like children ...but I would really like to know the reason behind this.I would never do that ..if I can't make it then I cant make it and I would let the person know...also when I state that I will be there for someone IF they ever need me...then that's what I will do.I woudn't say it JUST to say it.....This behavior from this guy who was supposedly my friend has hurt me alot...his actions has hurt me and I just really want to know why some people act this way...

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 3:51pm

Women do this too!

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 6:27pm

Yes I know that some women do this too...my question is WHY??!!! I mean I get it when you say something to someone and you do have the intention of following through and something comes up BUT I'm referring to the ones that ALWAYS say they;re going to be there for you OR if you ask them for help with something...once that time comes close they make up some sort of excuse or lie...WHY when all they have to say is that NO...I don't want to do that OR can't you get someone else...meanings overall if you don't want to be a person't friend...then WHY state that you ARE that person't friend?Why keep doing this and NOT think that there is anything wrong with doing so??!! What type of people does things like that intentionally and for what reason?To hurt?Humiliate?..what???

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 6:46pm

The bottom line is they do not want to do whatever at this time.  They are making a choice.  It is a event or action that in their mind is less pleasurable than what ever they have going on at that time. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 7:55pm

Honestgirl, as this is about friendship and not romance, I'm going to take a neutral approach to gender.   

For what it's worth, I've never had this happen to me.   I've got a small group of trustworthy friends who I know will be there if I needed them.  

The way you've written this post, it seems to be something you've dealt with on a few occasions.   I think you need to take another look at what a 'friend' is and how you go about finding them.   Truth be told, none of my friends have ever said "I'll always be there for you" or "I am your friend".  I find it odd that you're having these conversations with friends.   

You know, if someone finds themselves in a situation where they feel they must say one of these lines (to not say so would cause offence!), I would take anything said with a grain of salt.    Good friendships develop naturally, without the need for promises and dedication.    

And to take a gender specific approach, when a guy/girl doesn't work out and the "let's be friends" line or the "I'll always be there for you" line is used, it is NOT be taken literally.  It's just a throwaway line used so as to not sound mean.