Would you take the risk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Would you take the risk?
8
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 7:53pm

I have secretly fallen for my friend & co-worker. We've known each other for a few years now. We're both friends outside of work & good co-workers at work. At work, we're always seen together during breaks, lunch or even leaving work together. People have assumed that we're a couple & there's been times when it does feel that way. If I'm busy, he will look for me or vice versa. We help each other with our work & make sure we never fall behind.

Outside of work, we're friends. We've gone out for drinks, and have grabbed a bite to eat together. Last year, we were partners in a sporting event, which was really fun. We get along really well as professionals & friends. He's very supportive of me & I, for him. These past months, we've gotten much closer in mind & closeness in our body language. Much more touchy feely, if that makes sense.

I am not sure if he knows how I feel because of the huge amount of time we're together. And suddenly, he's told me that his female friend has introduced him to her friend (I guess, in hopes to set him up?). This very same friend did the same thing a year ago with his now ex. I almost think his friend shouldn't quit her day job as a match-maker. Anyway, today, he told me that he met up with her last night - just to get to know her. I'm not sure where it will lead but a sudden jolt in me, made me want to tell him how I feel after all this time.

I'm a little torn for many reasons:
1) If I tell him how I feel, I risk our friendship which we greatly have.
2) Then, there's the age difference. Does age matter? For me, no, however, we have a 10 year age gap. A lot, right? I, being the older one. I've had a former ex telling me that it wouldn't work & it would only lead to intimacy and fizzle out from there on. However, whenever we're together, we never make a huge fuss about our age differences. We treat each other as equals & I certainly don't feel old nor do I look old at all.

A new girl has entered his life. I'm not sure where things are headed, and suddenly, I feel it's been long overdue & that I should tell him though, I am just scared of rejection, and most importantly jeopardizing our current relationship.

What would you do? Would you take the risk?

Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:21pm

Okay, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 8:50pm

Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 7:02pm

Ah, well based on your description of the chemistry and body language, he does feel something for you.

What if you ask him if he's ever thought about trying a relationship together? Word it so that you don't confess any deep feelings and make it too awkward if he says "no".




Edited 7/17/2010 7:03 pm ET by true.blue.strine
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 9:10am

To answer your question, true.blue.strine, yes, we do flirt & there is chemistry. I've noticed that our body language is much different than before. We walk, talk, stand or even eat together with such closeness. Not to sound perverse, but to the point where if he's standing behind me & I could feel his abs or body next to me. Honestly, compare to other male friends or even my male co-workers, there's room/space between the person & myself. I've had people asking me if we're together because of how we are when we're together.

I haven't known him for several years as you think. To me, that'd be a handful of years. We've known each other for two years. His body language & such weren't the same as now.

Or perhaps, you're all right. There is nothing but just innocent flirt/chemistry & this tight connection which lead nowhere....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 5:35am

I'm tending towards Coconut's angle. If he was interested, I'm sure he would have made it clear before now.

Tell me, do the two of you flirt or have chemistry? If not, I'd let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2009
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 2:54am

What is the difference between the other woman and you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 12:05am

Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 10:08pm

I would, yes. If you are close enough friends, you can overcome it. You don't need to tell him you're in love with him and get dramatic about it, but saying you've noticed some chemistry and asking him if he feels the same, that's not a bad idea.

Friends often make the best partners. If the age gap hasn't been a problem for you yet then I wouldn't expect it to.

I am wary of coworkers dating one another but it's up to you. It may work out, it my not. I think it might be worth the risk.