Yes or no?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Yes or no?
17
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 5:06pm
Okay i just want someone to shed light on this...



I have this Marketing 490 class on thursdays from 7 to 945pm... on the first day of class in the semester which was 9/4/03...I was heading to the 490 class when there were people still in it from the class before...so I and other people in my class were waiting outside the door...and i noticed this cute, adorable, yet nerdy looking guy (no offense to anyone) standing next to me ...waiting as well.... I didnt really give him much thought nor did i look at him that much either...

When the class from before us leaves the room I start to go in the class room and i notice the cute nerdy guy is walking in behind me.... then I start to sit down near the front and as I sit down I look up and the cute nerdy guy sits in the desk behind me...and it makes me wonder...only 5 people including me are sitting down...and their are a total of 45 seats in the class room...why would he pick the one behind me...

During the class...we had to be in groups and had to choose our own group members so i start to look around for potential group members and i turn around and he's looking directly at me...and subconciously I ask him "wan't to be in a group?" and he says "sure..." and and shurgs. He then shakes my hand and introduces himself..which I thought was odd yet interesting and then we get another person to be in our group and I think he just tells the other person his name but doesn't do anything...I'm not sure...

After that we exchange papers so we can right each others numbers and email addresses on them so we could talk about our project. The cute guy gets my paper first and says out loud "Which one should I put..." and then he says "I'll just put both..." and writes both his home and cell phone number on it and his email address also..

At the end of class...I was putting a whole bunch of stuff into my back pack and thus it took me a long time to finish...the other member of our group left minutes before already and this cute nerdy guy was taking an awfully long time to get his stuff together too and I only recall seeing him take out a notebook during class...so I have no idea why it took long...

He finished just as I finished and he started to leave and said goodbye to me as he left...

today he called about the group project and he kept rambling and stuttering so much I don't remember what we talked about....he ended up asking me what time we should meet tomorrow to work on the project...and he said that he would call me around 9am tomorrow so we can decide on a meeting time...

Since then he has called me around 5x in the past two days calling to either ask about the project we're working on together...or some other ridiculous stuff that he obviously doesn't need to call me for....I figure maybe he's a worrier like that...but then again...it is way too extreme for a project that he's "worrying" about. So i'm thinking it's more than just the project...maybe he's smitten by me.

Hee seems like a friendly guy by nature but his actions seem awkward...what do you all decode?




Edited 9/8/2003 5:54:06 PM ET by screwobligations

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 5:40pm
I "decode" that you make lots of assumptions and projections....I suggest you don't act on them as if they were factually correct.

If you would like to go out with "nerdy guy" realize you're probably going to have to ask - with all that stuttering, stumbling,a dn fumbling on his part you would likely miss his offer trying to make an assumption or projection based on his previous actions/words.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 5:42pm
okay what lol...that didn't make sense...

rephrase please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 5:53pm
It means that you're making all sorts of assumptions and projections about "why" things have happened i.e., he sat behind you, he took so long to get his books in his bag, he was stuttering and stumbling on the phone...you're making alot of assumptions and projections about that behavior. As if it is based on "you" - as in he finds you so attractive he can't be rational, civil, and coherent, or that he wants to have a date but can't get up the courage so sitting next to you is the best he can come up with.

Basically, stop wondering "why" he's doing what he doing...because you'll never know...and start assessing what YOU want and how you can best get it.

What if you found out that he sits behind someone because he's near sighted - can't afford/won't wear glasses and can easily copy of your paper the notes - but can't read the board. What if you found out that he took so long to put things in the bag because he has miscellaneous and extraneous things such as computer parts and calculators, etc. that he didn't want to crush - but didn't want to get out and have to repack. What if you took account the reality that most "study type gruops" are formed by those sitting within 3 chairs/desks/rows of one another in 98% of the studies that have been done.

Which would mean NONE of what he did was becuase he finds you attractive, or wants a date....it would be "just the way it is."

Which is why it'simportant for you to know what you want..and if you want a date with him realize that his "style" likesly requires you to do the asking - at least initially.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 6:02pm
You're right with everything you said...but I was trying to figure him out because I wanted to know before I ask....I am trying to avoid heartbreak here. But then again it's hard to tell the difference between friendliness, normalcy, and interest.

Their all the same!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 6:09pm
Basically, if he wants to date - ask him out and he'll say yes if he finds you interesting and attractive. Dating is when you get to know one another....a relationship is something else entirely.

If he doesn't "ask you" - be prepared to ask him and be the instigator throughout most of the relationship.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 6:12pm
I don't want to lol...I'm shy myself and afraid of rejection.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:35am
I would be turned off/see red flags if someone called me that many times in that situation, and I would stay far away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 1:05pm
He was calling me about project...he never said talked about anything with me other than the project so it wasn't a turn off...

but Erin (that's her name?!) stated earlier that there's always a reason other than interest a guy does those things and maybe she's right


who knows?

I've never been lucky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 1:11pm
I'd say if he talked about the project...he was interested in the project.

Now, you can sit there and play God or "play a male role" if you wish....you can assume him to be the "female" in this little scenario and that he's playing cat and mouse, keeping you involved in a conversation much longer than necessary based on his interest which he's loathe to admit to without acknowledgement first that he'd be well-received....women do it all the time.....how many times have you called someone back, or detailed and digressed further into the topic than necessary - while twirling your hair, and licking your lips - and trying to show him every way to Sunday that "you're interested" without saying it.

If you want to assume he's "pulling a female stunt" - then assume that he's wanting more, won't pursue it without you being the instigator - and it's your turn to be the male an "initiate" the pursuit. If this results in a date or a dating situation....be prepared (probably) to always wonder if he'd have ever started anything without your instigation, and whether he's truly interested in you as a person - or just as a distraction given he didn't initiate the relationship. Which would be apparent by his either full participation (not initiation) or lack of participation in the relationship as it progressed.

Basically, ask yourself if going out with a guy too shy, or too insecure to ask you out is what you want to do.....it's going to put alot of the "dating responsibility" on you...and lots of girls you age want to "be pursued" - not do the pursuing.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 1:39pm
True he may be to shy to ask me how if he is interested...and it requires me initiating the asking him out...but who's to say that after that initial uncomfortableness...he may just be brave enough to do everything else on his own first?

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