My Fiance thinks my friend is too fat to be my bridesmaid....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2013
My Fiance thinks my friend is too fat to be my bridesmaid....
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 8:04pm

My fiance, who is really a wonderful, kind, forgiving person almost all the time, just told me that he thinks my closest female friend is too fat to be my bridesmaid in our upcoming wedding. Granted, she is over 300 pounds, so I can't deny that she's large. I thought, however, that it was a given that this wouldn't matter. It never crossed my mind for a second that we would consider what people look like in choosing our wedding party, but would instead think about what these people mean to us, and who we want near.

He says he's worried because we'll have to look at our wedding photos for the rest of our lives.

He says he's concerned the people that come to our wedding won't be able to focus on us, but will be looking at her.

He says that because I told him I don't think his Best Man should get to wear his Marine Corps dress blues to the wedding when everyone else is wearing a suit, it's unfair that he shouldn't also get his way on this.

I can't get across to him that while his best man can choose what to wear, my friend can't choose what body to live in. I asked him if he felt like it was problematic that his best man/best friend, when he got married, had his fiancee's disabled brother as a groomsman, and he said that no, of course it wasn't, because it "wasn't his fault." My fiance says that my friend -has- chosen this body, and that essentially this is "her fault." I'm horrified, and terribly disappointed. I never would have thought he'd feel this way. Now, there's no way I can make a decision that will make him happy, and I hate that. She's really my only close girl friend, there's no other reasonable person I could choose. I'm already having his sisters and his best man's wife as my other bridesmaids. More than that-- I feel like I would be breaking my own moral code to not have her as a part of this event because of the way she looks. I feel like knowing that he thinks what he does will cast a pall over everything. He's said that he won't fight with me about it and will let me do what I want, but I can't shake it. I'm upset that he would even think that. 

Am I making too much of things-- does my fiance have a point? If not, how can I deal with something I think is so very wrong? Suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012

sounds like you have a little groomzilla on your hands. I think i would let him have his guy come in the marine dress blues and you should get your friend as a bridesmaid. after all marriage is all about compromise, isn't it. now, if he still doesn't want to allow your friend even after you allow his friend, then this might be a bigger problem. we chose to not have a wedding party at all. just me and him, eliminates a lot of problems and it really makes it about us....

I found this while googling groomzilla. Thought it was funny. Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2013

Having gone through the wedding process myself, I would say that your man is wrong about this.  My brother is over 300 pounds and had my husband said that he couldn't be up there with me, I would have had a huge problem.  The truth is, how much do you really focus on a wedding anyway.  All that matters is that you two are happy and focusing on each other.  It shouldn't matter what your guests are focusing on.  To be honest, if I knew you and went to your wedding and didn't see your best friend up there I would most likely be focusing on, "Why isn't her best friend up there with her?" 

I understand where he is coming from in your conversation about the disabled man and your best friend.  Technically it's your friend's fault that she is that way, but it should not be a factor in deciding whether or not she should be up there with you.  When you are looking back at your wedding pictures I think you will regret not having her in the pictures of your bridal party. 

As far as the military blues go, maybe take one for the team.  Marriage is all about compromise.  I let my husband pick the song we walked into our reception with, which was the Star Wars Imperial March.  Give and take. 

Hope this helps and best wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012

I agree with wordgirl. I think the best thing to do would be to compromise and let his friend wear his dress blues and your friend be a bridesmaid.

I have to say I'm concerned that your fiancee priority is how pictures will look instead of your happiness. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010

I think you're both wrong.  His best man should be able to wear his dress blues, and your best friend should be able to be in the bridal party.  Dress blues are a big deal, and he should be allowed to wear them in the wedding.  He's not trying to steal anyone's thunder here any more than your best friend is trying to attract attention to herself.  I suggest you compromise.  While this disagreement may seem huge right now, it's really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001


Do what your heart tells you...

She is your best friend and you have ALREADY asked her so what does he expect you to do?

I don't think he has a point honestly, how would you feel if he felt this way about you?...or about someone else in your wedding party?...(and I don't mean to offend)... but how are you to not have her as a bridesmaid? just seems to be putting you in an awkward position.

I would not...could not do it...:(...