Touchy situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
Touchy situation
2
Tue, 06-19-2012 - 4:36pm

Hi there ladies!

I was hoping to get some advice on how to handle a situation that has arose recently that I am unsure of how to deal with.  I am currently the bridesmaid in a friend's wedding, while planning my own, with our dates only 3 months apart.  Hers is fast aproaching at the end of next month, where mine is at the end of October.  She was engaged for about 4 months before I was, and changed her date to July before I got engaged.  Here's where it gets tricky.... I also don't mean to come off like a selfish child, but I feel like the amount of help for the weddings hasn't been equal.  Yes, I get hers is before mine so she's focused on that, and I have asked her how I can help, helped pay for the bridal shower, etc etc.  

I am kind of upset that she expects so much out of me, (she is SUCH a bridezilla), and yet if I ask for something I have to keep asking in order for it to happen or to even get a response.  For example,  the bridesmaid dresses.  The dress has been picked out for over a year, and I told all my girls that they needed to be ordered by a specific date in order to get them to come in and get a chance to get them altered if they need to.  I asked 3 separate times (over a span of 4 months), and never got a response back from her, where all my other girls had confirmed.  I finally asked whether or not she planned on ordering it, because she was the only one I hadn't heard from and if she was too busy with her wedding then I needed to know.  Well, that got a VERY rude response back, and I had to do some toosh-kissing to get her to realize I wasn't being mean, I just needed to know as I had not even been given a response.  I called the bridal store about a week after the "due date" to be sure she had ordered it, as it would show up under my name, and it still hadn't been ordered.  I let that slide, and waited another week.  When I called again, the salon lady told me it had been ordered that day.  Keep in mind, this was two weeks after I told everyone the absolute latest deadline to get it in on time.  By the time this dress gets in, it will be about 3 weeks before the wedding, if it's in on time.  I didn't text her again at that point, because at least it was ordered.

 

Another thing that has me upset is that I have spent close to $600 on this wedding, and I'm only a BRIDESMAID that has known her less than two years, and I had to put my foot down at that because I am a recently graduated college student (thus, money is TIGHT).  I also was not expecting that I was to help throw the bridal shower, as I have only ever been to ones where the family hosted. My mom and sister are hosting mine, so I didn't think that would really be on the bridesmaids.  I was the one of two who had to set up and clean up, bring a game (with a gift card prize), buy a gift for her, and stay for 11 hours total.  I was also told I had to give as much as I could, and when I said my number I was told "I guess that will have to do."  I. was. pissed.  Not only that, but two of her bridesmaids have been completely useless, have not paid a dime for anything including their dresses, and has caused the rest of us to carry the weight.  At the bridal shower, you wouldn't have even known that they were bridesmaids because they didn't show up until an hour after it started and left before it ended.  Then when I told her I couldn't afford to do the bachellorette party, the only response I got back was "ok."  Really???  Her wedding is costing me DOUBLE of what I expected it would, and she's going to get mad?  Not to mention the rehearsals, and yes there are TWO, are over an hour away from me, and I have to drive there and back in awful traffic.  

I guess I just don't know how to tell her that if I end up needing help for my wedding, I really need her to step up.  I have done all the planning so far by myself, but I know when it gets closer to do the invites, the party favors, and such I will need her help as two of my bridesmaids are out of towners and my sister works 50+/week.  For my bachelorette party all I want is a movie night with my girls at the hotel kicking back and relaxing.  So that will cost....$100 for everyone with pizza soda and movies?  I am not asking any of my girls to pay for the bridal shower (personally I find it VERY tacky and rude), the shoes can be whatever they want since the dresses are floor length, and their makeup will be covered by my grandma since her friend is a makeup artist.  So, in the end, they will probably spend a total of $300 or less for hair and their dresses.  I told them they are welcome to do their own hair, as long as it looks nice and isn't bed head, but that we would have someone come in to do it as well.  She is the ONLY one not doing it, even my single mom bridesmaid is!  I'm really worried that she isn't going to do anything nice or make it look special, and I'm thinking about requiring it so everyone looks the same.

 

How do I tell her I need her to step up without causing conflict?  I haven't asked ANYTHING of her besides ordering her dress on time, and she couldn't even do that! I'm at such a loss..

Daisypath Wedding tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 4:38pm
Thank you so much! Yes my fiance has been amazing with everything and I'm so glad I'm not doing it all alone. My shower was this past Saturday, and my sister only had to do a game since my Grandma's friends were hosting it and did everything (it was amazing!).


But anyways, that one brisesmaid was still an issue and after she got back from her honeymoon I asked her if she was coming to the shower, which she then informed me she wasn't because she had other plans! So not only had she worked me like a dog for her wedding, she wasn't even coming to a shower she didn't have to host.. I finally told her how upset I was and that I felt really used after everything I did for her, and that she couldn't even show up. Well in the end I think it got to her and she finally got her dress in and signed up for hair and makeup.

Who knew weddings could cause so many issues? LOL!
Daisypath Wedding tickers