I thought I'd be more sure...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2010
I thought I'd be more sure...
8
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 2:59pm

Hi all,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:18am

I went through exactly the same thing.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:51am
Hi there,
I went through & am still going through a lot of what you are experiencing. So I think your feelings are normal but I also believe you really need to try to determine what it is that is causing you the dissatisfaction. Are you really dissatisfied all the things you said or if you made some changes would that be better? Is there a better order to make these changes in? The planning is the key.

We stumbled by accident on our dream home a yr ago. Put it away because it didn't make sense at the time but it kept nagging us. 9 mths later we brought it in spite of some financial challenges that came with buying another expensive property without selling our current home.

I love spending time at my dream home but now the realities are settling in. Electricity costs have gone up, taxes have gone up, mortgage rates are starting to climb and so our 2 yr plan to sell our current home has to be changed to selling it next Spring which means stress. The decision to buy our new place was strongly supported by our kids but since then 2 of the 3 have gotten engaged with a wedding next yr & then one the following yr. I need money to help them with the weddings which is tied up in property. Just realized that it's unlikely we will have too many holidays in our new home as the kids are 1 1/2 to 2 hrs away with SO having families where they live. Didn't think of that because until this Xmas, our kids celebrated with us and their SOs with their families. It changed when they got engaged. They are officially a couple.

Nothing will be perfect & I'm still pleased with our decision but it's more stressful than I had hoped it would be. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 8:44pm

Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. Both are ways I have thought of my confusion. I worry that I'm being too afraid of change and then I worry that I'm not afraid enough. I think most of what I am dealing with is the idea that I am stuck at my job. I teach elementary school. I have a great, secure job. I should feel lucky to have a job that is creative and never boring. However, it is very stressful and after doing it for 20 years, I'm ready for a change. Surprisingly, there isn't many other things a teacher is qualified to do at the same level of pay. I still have another 10 years until I even qualify to retire with any income.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 7:10am
Don't give up, there are many small steps you can take. A few years ago, I felt trapped in my job because I was within 3 yrs of retirement eligibility & knew I couldn't leave. I wasn't going to give up my pension. So I decided to focus on my life outside of my job & find some new interests which were fun. It sounds trival but on thing I started doing was playing games online which I found relaxing. I don't have much free time that isn't taken up with caring for my parents or grandson & this is something that I do for me. A few games of bejweled or sukodu & I relax because I just doing something totally worthless/mindless. I make time for a mani/pedi every 3 to 4 wks. This is 90 mins of just my time. I have connected with a couple of old friends from the past that I have let drop. We may only chat through facebook or msn but it's nice to reconnect & broaden my friendship base. Now I'm looking for a volunteer board to join where our new home will be as a way to start making friends there before we move full time. My DH (retired for 3 yrs) & I are spending more time together even if it's just a walk around the block for 10 mins. Plus I got a dog from a shelter as a companion & something that forces me to take time for a walk.

None of these things may be right for you and but I hope you get the idea of what I'm suggesting. I can now retire & surprise/surprise, I'm not interested right now in doing that. In fact, there are many days I really enjoy my job which is also high stressed. You are in a stressful career where many need to take time off to regroup but sometimes making changes outside of work helps.

Change is always frightening. You need to decide how much you are comfortable with and go for it. Good luck, Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2010
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 10:07am

Thank you Dee. I loved your post. I've already started doing some of the things you did. I just thought I was being lazy....but I have seen a little improvement in the last month. Having a place like this to bounce my weird frame of mind off helps.

Avatar for bklynpeach42
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 6:34pm

I think it’s a mid-life thing.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 01-05-2011 - 5:58pm

I agree with the others about getting a sense of change by just mixing up some of your usual activities. Several years ago, shortly after I entered my 50s, I went through a period of vague dissatisfaction. A mid-life crisis? I went through that period of dreading getting older but realized that I can't stop time and I can't afford plastic surgery LOL. For me the solution was to try to keep my mind and outlook young, to do that I decided to do something new or different everyday. Just little things like listening to a different style of music, do a different form of exercise, try a food I'd never tasted before. The feelings passed after several months but I still try to mix things up sometimes just to keep life interesting.

Hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2010
Wed, 01-05-2011 - 10:42pm

Again, thank you all. I just love reading everyone's take on this issue.