I discovered that an old boyfriend passed away.
Hello. stefson, and thank you for posting your story of love lived and lost. What heartache you must have gone through....loving a married man, aborting his child instead of causing him the hardship of helping you and raising a family of his own. The further heartache of knowing he had divorced, remarried, and then passed away later certainly makes you think back, "did I do the right thing not re-establishing a relationship with him before it was too late?"
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and who knows how your life together would have been? You point out the age difference between you two. Also, when you asked him out to lunch and he said he was remarried, perhaps he was no longer interested in an extra marital affair with you again....and I'm just guessing, but this could have been an omen for you. Maybe it would have worked out well, and maybe not. Since he passed away a few years later, perhaps he had a health issue that you'd have had to endure, and that can certainly drag one down.
All your other failed relationships with men left you alone after your former lover passed away, and I can well understand how this has hit you. Did I do the right thing, or was it simply not to be? That's a question you'll always be asking yourself. Just keep telling yourself, "Whatever will be, will be" and try to take comfort in that.
I see no reason why you shouldn't lay flowers on his grave! The grave contains his body, while his spirit is all around you.
Love could easily find you again one day! Simply keep an open mind, and find out for yourself! Thanks again for sharing your unique story. Good luck to you, hon!