sensational 60's?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
sensational 60's?
3
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 3:11pm

I've left my 50's, can I still join in?   :smileylol:

 

Doris

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 9:53pm

This was the most appropriate message I could respond to. I admire and am happy for your relationship and wish I could say the same.  I have been very unlucky in love, just leaving my significant other several weeks ago.  I tend to choose men who are not good for me.  I just turned 60 and I need to talk to people but I feel like everyone thinks I should be on cloud nine, now that I got away from an unhappy, repressive relationship.  We were together for almost nine years, I helped raise his 3 children and I decided to leave because he went into another abusive rant and I did not want to take it one more time.  But now I am feeling alone, financially strapped and sad.  This was not how I pictured it at all.  I thought everything would be roses because I would no longer be suppressed and frustated.  Am I destined to be suppressed and frustrated?  I feel badly for him, even though I have no idea how he is doing, but I think I know.  I wanted this new life to be full of activity and friends but  I find myself lonely and sad and uninspired.  It is changing but I don't know how to make it happen.  I have been trying to make a home, started to decorate and such.  It is so difficult to reach out, so hard to show my weakness.  I feel like I should just be happy now but there are so many things to work through in my mind.  

Thank you for listening.  I hope I get a response.  Just need to have a connection of some kind.  That sounds pitiful, but it's true.

Avatar for MikesAngie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 1:35pm

I'm not sixty, yet have 11 years to go - but I do have experience in leaving an abusive relationship and the feelings one goes through.  

I was married from 1999 to 2009 to a man 17 years my senior.  Our relationship/courtship was whirlwind which should have been my first inclination to leave.  He took advantage of my situation and he knew it. I was new in the area and had been a caregiver for a roommate when he had a medical mishap and lost 5-10 years of memory (somethings are worse than death but that is another story). Any way he was controling, insecure, a bullcrap artist (his words) and insincere.  My family lived in another state and by the time they had met him in person we were already married (they tolerated him).

One month after our 9 year anniversary, my ex asked for a divorce (this was the first time after a 4.5 year haitus - used to be his usual request around Christmas starting at 1.5 years, and continuing until 4.5 years).  We worked passed that request but things were still shaky (I had no freedom).  Then the same day my salaried job with benefits when to contract, he started up again asking for a divorce only there was no working through it - he would ask on one night change his mind the next morning and so on for three months straight.  I went to a counselor and she and I talked - I was not asked for further sessions because I was grounded - but she posed this question that perhaps the relationship had run it's course.  

The truth was that he had found someone else and was secretly dating her until a month after I moved, they came out as a couple at that time.  I recognized her phone number which is how I found out shortly after the divorce was final. 

When I left my hours at my work had diminished to 32 and were steadily dropping, I was living with a good friend as a roommate and paying rent.  She had gone through a divorce a couple of years earlier.  I worked hard to make my area mine by decorating with what I could pack and take in less than 2 hours (it was that bad).  I also borrowed a few items and bought a few inexpensive things.  I had three cats and myself living in a three room suite.  

My ex began backstabbing and lying about what had happened, he also started stalking and harassing me and my roommate (so more work missed because of spending the day in court attempting to get Orders of Protection). With all that going on - I still managed to rebuild my life.

It's not easy (nothing ever is) but know this you DESERVE to be happy and in time you will be.  Right now I would go to a counselor and talk and let them help you understand yourself.

Fast forward to today I'm happily married to a wonderful man.  That in and of itself is another long story.