40 Year Old Bridesmaid

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
40 Year Old Bridesmaid
4
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 2:37am

I'm not 40 yet, but I will be by the time my friends get married in 2013. I introduced them and they recently got engaged. I am very happy for them, but she wants me to be a bridesmaid. We have a very honest friendship and she knows I don't want to do it. It's nothing against her. It's just that I will be 40 years old! Isn't it time for that part of my life to be over? Being a bridesmaid?

It just isn't something I thought I'd be doing at 40. Usually by this time all your friends are married and settled into their lives. My recently engaged friends are younger than me (early 30s) so most everyone will be around their age. I'm just feeling like I've been there done that. I was a bridesmaid in my 20s and in my early 30s. At 40, it's time to just be a guest (or in my case the planner because that's what I do--and very well I might add!).

Tonight I told her that she's forcing me to be a bridesmaid. I feel bad about that because I don't want her to be upset and I don't want to be the difficult one. I just wish she understood my position. I'm older now.

I know that some of my reluctance comes from me feeling like (where it really counts) my life is just one continuous circle. I'm single, have no relationships with men of any consequence, then my friends get connected with someone, get married, and I repeat the cycle. It's happened already 20 years ago, and now here it is again. I have to watch everyone around me get married, have families, and I'm still single, waiting for my day to come. I've lived this scenario already and now I have to live it again. (Sounds whiny I know, but that's how I feel).

Am I wrong? Am I being selfish? Should I just grin and bear it, and be a bridesmaid even though I will be the oldest one ever? I'd rather just be her planner, and if I have to be at the wedding with no date, I can at least be busy making sure their wedding is fab!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 9:55pm
So what happened? Did she start to see it your way?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 3:22pm

Thanks ladies! I really appreciate your responses. They are very helpful! I will talk with her and see if we can find a common ground.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 1:32pm
I agree with ladybookworm. I'd sit down with her and just talk to her about why you would prefer to not be in the wedding. Maybe you can offer to read something or make a speech (if you're comfortable with that) instead. I think that since she's a good friend, she should at least be willing to hear you out and understand that you are just not comfortable doing it. Ultimately, you don't need her permission to bow out. It would be nice if she would respect your decision and understand your point of view.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 3:50pm

If you had said that you were thrilled to be asked to be a bridesmaid, but worried it might be inappropriate because you're 40 I would say stop thinking about the age and enjoy being a bridesmaid.

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