Are all women looking for marriage at 30

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2003
Are all women looking for marriage at 30
8
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 11:23am
I dated a lot in my twenties and went through some relationships, and looking back it was alright to end one or have some fail cuz it was just experience and there was plenty of fish in the sea, and plenty of time to find that special someone.

OK, but now I'm' thirty, the clock is ticking, my youth is fading and does it seem like the only reason to be out there is only to find that partner for life?

Do other women here think that the 30's dating scene is full of women who want to get married soon, and men who want to get married, or women who want to get married soon, and players that have a good time using them, or just the same old ball game as before is going on, and there's no saying what age will be the lucky one?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 12:56pm
I don't think the decision to marry should be based on age at all, but when you have found the person with which you want to spend the rest of your life, whether one is 20 when that happens, or 50!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 1:02pm
That's a good question!

I think a lot of people in general are waiting until their 30's, and sometimes even later, to get married. While I'm sure there are many women who are in no rush to get married, and maybe even some who have no desire to ever get married, I'm equally sure there are a lot of women who feel that "clock ticking".

Now men, on the other hand, I think are generally in no hurry to get married, regardless of their age; the "m" word seems to scare an awful lot of guys!

As an example, I was 27 when I got married, and DH was 31 (not that either of those ages are exactly over the hill!). We dated for 4 1/2 years before we got married, and it was primarily because DH was afraid! Once he got over his fear, popped the question, and the "deed" was done, he was fine.

I don't think I was much help here, but hopefully it was something:)

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 2:14pm
I know exactly how you feel. It is probably a coincidence that I am now 30 and this past year I have attended 7 weddings, 2 of which I was in the wedding party. Also, at every wedding, friends and family tend to ask 'are you next' or 'when are you getting married'...when they very well know I am single. So, I too have that clock ticking, and feel the pressure of everyone looking at me as if something is wrong! I admit the dating scene for me has been lacking action.

I think that we all want to be like the people around us...like trends. ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 2:01pm
i think there are a lot of desperate women out there... women also looking for a husband AND father to their kids...

me? i'm 37... i'll remarry when i meet Mr. Right - not a minute sooner... even if i'm 80 when it happens...

no rush t'all.

Avatar for marie_france
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 6:40am
I think it depends whether or not the woman wants to have children, and how many. For example, if you wanted to have 6 children you would be trying to marry well before 30! But since most people want 1-3 children, which means they are wanting to start in their early thirties - so it's natural to think of marriage when you are around 30 - that's IF you prefer to be married before having the kids.

Me, at 30-31 I wanted to get married particularly because I wanted kids. So I dated a lot, and found the man of my dreams... The funny thing was, my now husband turned out to have a fertility problem so we are going through IVF. I set out looking for a man who could reproduce with me, but then married him anyway, knowing about the problem.

Life is strange how it works out... I am pretty confident we will have the kids eventually, and the man proved more important than the sperm! But yes, I think the reason so many are searching for marriage in their 30s is because in our 20s we were not mature enough for a solid relationship and we wanted to discover the world, ourselves and develop our careers. In the 30s we grow up and think of procreating.

For women who already have, or don't want children - perhaps they can take it more slowly, there is less time pressure to find a partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 4:08pm
No, I don't think that ALL women are looking for marriage at 30. I think some women who definately want children and don't already have any may find the need to find a partner but there are others who have been married and divorced by their thirties and in no hurry to marry again. I have issues with certain people who make a habit out of making comments like "Are you next to get married?", "When will you find a nice man and settle down?" or "Don't you want more of a commitment?". I think it disgusting that society pressures women to get married because they think a woman can't be or feel complete without a husband. Society pushes women into believing they need to be married in order to be happy.

Personally, I feel that marriage has a tendency to suck the life out of a woman. When men marry a woman out of their own free will and that woman becomes a wife and a mother, she tends to lose herself in the day to day responsibiities she didn't have while single. She stops taking care of herself they way she used to when she was single, for the sake of giving time to or saving money for the "family". Her contact with her friends and family decrease because she has less time to maintain those relationships. It's rare that I see this same sacrifice being made by a man.

On the other hand, I've met some men that are in big hurry to get married. Usually these men are just out of a LTR or divorce and can't stand the thought of not having a female to take care of them. These type of men will completely suck the life from any woman looking to get married and should be avoided at all costs.

B.J.

Mommy to Samantha Renee 12/11/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 6:04pm
On the other hand, I've met some men that are in big hurry to get married. Usually these men are just out of a LTR or divorce and can't stand the thought of not having a female to take care of them. These type of men will completely suck the life from any woman looking to get married and should be avoided at all costs.

It's interesting you said that. It seems that most men AND women who have just gotten out of a LTR or marraige turn around and marry the first person they start dating. They are on their second marraige before I even have one! Just what I have observed.

anyway, I sometimes feel social pressure to be married and sometimes wonder when it's my time. I don't know why...I just do. I do hate it when people ask me those questions at weddings and other family gatherings. Especially when they say, "why are you settled yet?" LIke you always have a choice. "Ohhhh, I hadn't thought of it like that before. I'll just go pick out my man now and marry him." ugh!!!! Or, when people ask me about my current relationship..."so when are you and G going to get married?" "I don't know." "what do you mean you don't know, you never discussed it?" "not really." "(gasp)ohhhhhhhhhhhh." LIke, what is THAT supposed to mean? We aren't a normal couple because we didn't get married four months after meeting? ugh!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 6:29pm
I know what you mean. It reminds me of a funny e-mail...remember the friends and family who always say "you're next" at a wedding or shower, start saying "you're next" to them at the next funeral you see them at, they'll shut up :-)

I have some good friends that are a couple and have been trying to get pregnant for 3 years now. Their family is always asking them "When are you going to have children". People just don't realize how stupid they are when they ask such questions and should learn to mind their own business. Usually my response to such questions is "Why, so I can join your club of misery?" It gets some weird looks but usually shuts them up.

Move at your own pace, not what people dictate to you. What's meant to be will happen :)

B.J.

Mommy to Samantha Renee 12/11/04