Concerned & Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Concerned & Confused
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 4:17pm

Hi Everyone,

I am not quite 30 yet, I am 28, but I'm hoping to get advice form some women a little older than myself. I am concerned about my sister. She seems really unhappy whenever I talk to her. She is 26 (27 at the end of this month) and what she has always seemed to want most in life is to have a family. She love kids and really wants to have kids one day and she of course wants to be married.

For some reason she is convinced that she just can't be happy. I don't really know why this is; we grew up in the same house and while our parents don't have a super happy marriage, I never felt as though happiness was unattainable in a relationship. I do happen to be married and I'm extremely happy.

My sister is always dating the wrong guys, in my opinion. She is a very sensitive person and she needs a lot of attention from a boyfriend. Yet, she constantly dates guys that are very self absorbed and can't give her what she wants. For example, the guy she is dating currently (she started seeing him in November 2009, but wasn't exclusive until about 5 months ago) probably will not give her a birthday gift at the end of this month. I find that ridiculous and unacceptable.

The thing is, she does date tons of guys who could give her what she says she wants; she meets guys like that all the time and they shower her with attention. But, for whatever reason, she always finds fault with them and instead decides that she likes the guy that doesn't call her all that often, is selfish, and never gives her even a normal amount of attention. To me this is an obvious, self-destructive pattern, but to her it's hopeless and she accepts dating guys long term that have MAJOR shortcomings.

In the past few years, she seems to be getting more and more depressed. She has dated tons of people and has always gotten dates and male attention easily. But, the ones that she sticks with are the bad apples, in my opinion, and she's never happy with them. As a result, she's starting to get really desperate and thinks her dreams of a family just can't happen because she's running out of time. I try to tell her she's still so young and has a ton of time, but I know she doesn't believe me or care what I think because 1) I was engaged at her age, and 2) I don't really know if I want kids anyway, so time is kind of irrelevant for me in that respect.

Anyway, this is my long winded way of asking if anyone out there has been in a situation like my sister? If so, was there a turning point where things started to come together? Any particular piece of advice that really resonated with you? Is there anything a third party like myself can do at all?

I'm trying to be supportive, but I'm really getting sick of her negative attitude about the whole thing, especially when she seems to make one bad decision after another when it comes to men.

Any advice, encouragement or words of wisdom are appreciated!


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Nikki's Inspirations

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 6:58pm

I've not experinced this myself, but I do know people that have gone through similar issues.