Do you think I'm Ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Do you think I'm Ok?
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:09am
Hi to you all again. As you have read on all my postings I guess you'll think my life is a mess (LOL). Well What's new?. My father came to P.R from New Jersey last thursday and is staying at a hotel and have had contact with my brothers. I didn't feel like seeing him, his wife or my sister(althought I know my sister has nothing to do with my feeling for my father and his wife.). My father left a message on my cellular phone on friday for me to call him back but I did it on saturday at night. The thing is that my father has never been there when I needed him, his wife is only interested in his money (she doesn't even sleep with him/ they sleep in diferent bedrooms) and my father has been with her for 14 years because of my sister, because he doesn't want her to suffer. And since she was born she's the only thing that counts for him. He has always given her EVERYTHING while we (me and my brothers suffered a lot , even hunger when he and my mother got divorced).

My father has a lot of money . I don't really care about his money what I'm really mad about is that all these years when I have been sick or with my depressions (I'm Bipolar) he has not care even a bit. I haven't got any support from him not emotionally not financially never EVER. And once I went to his house on New Jersey and his wife always treated me like everything they have was their own (you know like saying hey this ain't yours), and also I noticed that she put me against my father even thought I was trying to heal my relationship with my father. Then he started treating me like I wasn't welcome at his home and let me know that I didn't work hard on things and literally that I was good for nothing . I felt awful, frustrated and depressed.

I have always try to keep a relationship with my brothers but they don't answer my calls , don't care about me when I'm sick, I have been so depressed. They are the only family I have in P.R, they have know because of my mother in Boston that I have had suicidal thoughts and they haven't even care.

Now that my father is on vacation in P.R they are together (What a wonderful family (Yeah right!)). Yesterday one of my brothers called me inviting me to a party at his house next saturday were there will be all the family together. And I have decided that I don't want to go they only give me negative vibes and I'm not hypocrite. I rather stay at home they don't deserve my companion. I want a family in good times and in BAD times too..Also I'm tired of always letting people treating me the way they want. I'm learning that I'm in PART responsable for how people treat me, you should place limits. And my negative to go to his party also comes because I know that even thought they don't care when I'm in bad circumstances they will start criticizing me and giving me they're opinions of why I'm still single at 33 etc etc. That doesn't help me a bit. And as you all know I'm starting a new life in Boston on February. What do you think of my desicion of not going to the party?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 2:02pm
Do I think you're OK? Definitely!

I don't know that this is your family's problem, but it's been a problem in my family.

We have a history of mental illness in our family, which tends to skip a generation; lucky for me, my generation was the one to get hit! Both my Grandpa and his brother had bi-polar. My brother was originally diagnosed as bi-polar after an attempted suicide, but has since been re-diagnosed as occasional depression and sometimes severe anxiety disorder. My sister was diagnosed with bi-polar after an attempted suicide. It's taken several years, but she's now on meds and goes to therapy. I suffer from depression and anxiety.

There have been a lot of people in my family, my Dad included, who have had a really hard time coming to terms with all of this. He's only recently taken it seriously and learned something about bi-polar. Others in my family have no desire to learn anything about bi-polar. For some reason, it makes them very uncomfortable.

Perhaps there's just more of a lack of understanding than anything with your father and brothers? Perhaps they have no clue just how debilitating mental illness can be at times?

As far as attending the party, if you think something will be said to upset you, then don't go.

Start your new life in Boston in February. Make sure you're treating yourself well, and getting any medical care you may need. You have nothing to prove to anyone except yourself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 2:41pm

I think it's a WISE choice! Why suffer? Why put yourself in a place where you KNOW you will be uncomfortable? Because of your family's history with relationships, particularly toward you, there is NO reason you should go to this party.

If your family really cared about being part of your life and loving you unconditionally, then they would be there for other reasons, not just to invite you to a party.

It's sad when families can't be counted on or trusted, but you must move on and you must find a way not to harbor too much resentment. It's a waste of time. Move to Boston, start a new life and seek out your moral values. If you start treating people how you want to be treated, you will find that other people will become your family and you won't have to seek out emotional support from people who can't give it to you.

You will always have an empty place in your heart where your father and siblings should be, and that hole could never be filled. However, you must replace the emptiness will fullness and start giving to people. When you give, you get.

Good luck with your move to Boston! I bet you're really looking forward to it!
You know where to find us if you need any advice!


Loving wife to David (3-2