Does this message sound conceited to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Does this message sound conceited to you
7
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 7:15am
My "best friend" is coming home for a few weeks over Christmas. She has gotten so high on herself over the past few years that I just dread spending time with her. Here's an email that I got from her just yesterday. It sounds very conceited to me!

Joe called me today...he's flying to the Caribbean on the 24th and will be there for a month. He said that he would like to fly me down there, but it would be awkward for me (and he didn't say it aloud but it's cuz his woman will be there--how thoughtful--have to laugh at that one :-) He'll probably fly to Milwaukee within that time to see me. He might even fly to San Diego over New Year's, but I think I will have to veto that one since it's just us girls. :-) Can't have much fun with men you don't know when you've got one on your side. :-) Trouble!!!! And all the guys on my side of the office heard everything. Had to be careful what I said to Joe.

 

I digress, I asked my friend Charlie last week if he knows anyone that he could hook me up with. I think he may come through for me, only he doesn't know it and I do.

 

And...got a wink from a Match.com guy that emailed me over 6 months ago. He's back in IL now (he was on the east coast when he first contacted me). I suggested that we meet in Chicago when I'm there, but he may be moving to CA before Jan 9. One of his relatives lives in Milwaukee, so he may have to make a trip to see me. And he wants to see me just after xmas. Oy!! He left me his cell number and wants to talk to me before I head back to the States. He's spent time in NZ and Oz and wants to travel back here. He's in job limbo though. It shouldn't matter, right, but he wants to go back to school to become an anesthetist (sp?). What do you think? I don't know if I can handle someone who's not bringing in at least some kind of bacon, if ya know what I mean!

 

Are you having any luck with Match? We'll have to work on getting you hooked up with someone before I leave Milwaukee. That's our goal. :-) And we'll have fun doing it. :-) 

It just wants to make me throw up with her thinking she's on this pedestal of being the woman that every guy wants. Is it just me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 1:22pm
Very conceited. Drop this loser if she doesn't snap out of it. She talks down to you.

Is this the same friend that you post about making excuses not to see? Sounds like she has not changed, why do you keep her around? She seems to add no value to your life, only unhappiness and negative energy.


Edited 12/10/2003 1:25:11 PM ET by laraber
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:35pm
I thought it was funny. Sounds like she has dating on her mind of late. I think it would be nice to reply with support and interest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:49pm
If you read some of the posts that mapper has made about this friend before, you may feel differently about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 5:33pm
I read her message and pictured a blonde haired chic with a vacant look on her face (no offense to anyone; I'm a blonde myself).

I get the impression that she's trying to convince herself more than anyone that she can get a guy.

It's been my experience that people like this who feel the need to "brag" are trying to prove something, and are actually quite insecure.

You've got two choices here. I know this friend has bugged you with her behavior in the past, so you can either let the friendship slip to the wayside, or start letting everything she says go in one ear and out the other.

Oh, and if Joe had really wanted her to be there, she'd be there; who does she think she's kidding?!

Jennifer:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:37am
My friend is actually quite smart. She was on the honor roll all through high school (more than I can say for myself) and got good grades in college. She started her own business about 5 years ago and has just recently started another business. We were both shy people growing up and I still am and she is as well-just seems to mask it better than me and flirts a lot when she's drinking. Neither of us ever dated anyone in high school. She met her husband her freshman year in college and they got married when she was 21. So she never dated anyone else and didn't live it up like the rest of us did in college. Well she initiated the divorce when she was 23. After this, she was all about finding men, just when the rest of us wanted to settle down. We're now 31 and she is still in that same mode of thinking-get what you can out of a man, it doesn't matter if you like him or not. Her attitude makes me very angry. She has a couple of other friends who are in that same way of thinking and they probably think I'm a real stick in the mud. Sorry I just don't want to go out and flirt with 10 guys in a night. I don't like going out with her because I know the guys are going to fawn over her and her and her friends will use their cat-like ways to dig their claws into a man to get him to buy them drinks all night. Even when it's obvious that a guy likes her but she doesn't like him back, she thinks it's just fine to lead him on so she can get drinks and dinner and nights out. She keeps telling me about this book "The Rules" and is always bringing that up. I just want to say to her "you know, you've been telling me about that for a couple of years now and you haven't had a relationship develop at all in that time." I think I'll stick to my ways. Yeah it's not getting me anyway either, but at least I can respect myself! She's already thinking I'm going to go out with her for New Years and take a road trip with her, but I'm not doing either. She never finds time for just me anymore because she's "so busy" and I either have to go out with her friends or not at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 9:43am
Well, I can understand how she may have felt when she first split with her husband. I got into a serious relationship with a guy when I was 19, moved in with him, and got engaged. He was pretty controlling, and didn't allow me to go out to the bars without him. I left him a week before our wedding, and went wild. I spent a lot of time at the clubs, and flirted with an awful lot of guys. I wasn't looking for whatever I could get out of them, though, I was just having a good time enjoying my freedom! Within 6 months, I met my future DH, and settled down.

I've heard a lot about that book "The Rules", and don't think too highly of it. In my opinion, it teaches you to be manipulative and greedy. Not great ways to start a meaningful relationship, if you ask me.

So the question remains; what are you going to do about your friend?

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:54am
My roommate is a lot like your friend. Every day she comes home and tells me about a celebrity she has met or how a good guy friend of hers who has a girlfriend really wants my roommate instead. I kind of just nod my head and say, "oh really?" a lot and blow it off. I like her, it's just her personality. You can either blow it off too, or drop her as a friend. It's obviously an issue with your friend to justify her existence by telling you about all the men that want her. I usually feel sympathy for those type of people because they need attention and will stop at nothing to get it. If she is a good friend, simply say, "well I'm really excited for you, that sounds great." She might be surprised you are not buying into the drama, and it will make you look like a really confident friend.